LucybrownieS

Can't smile at all

2012-01-14T01:44:00.001+08:00

Today is a good event :( twisted
He made the effort of coming down to meet me... I am surprised
And he shown Great differences in attending to my needs at the market and then many more

But yet we are
Strangers now...

Just strangers

对还是错

2012-01-11T22:14:00.001+08:00

Listening to my heart, I don't know what wish to do :(
I miss dragon boat, I realized :(
I am "kick" out bcoz they got enough female ? New 3 female
I am gone
They are faster, younger than me ....

Sigh ... What I had now is my studies
And what had now is my grade

My age is piling up and I don't have much time left, I néed more time and more strength to go thru this

My r/s problem I rather don't see don hear
Don't know :(
Coz I am sick of pleasing
Sick of seeing
Sick of hearing

I am a reject woman for Secom
For dragon boat

2 years more
I need to buck up
Asp or insp
I am waiting for you :)

Jia you ... Planning for a short get away with family
Don't wish to go out with other man ...

Problems

2012-01-11T09:40:00.001+08:00

Actually I understand he had actually done a lot for me. But why I can't be nice to him just a bit more??

I always expected so much more from him till my disappointment over drown myself... I guess this is pretty common of me?

Looking back at our past pic, we are ways smiling
Now? We hardly take any pic as a couple...

I am afraid the end is coming closets

How I feel

2012-01-02T02:30:00.001+08:00

How I feel ?? I felt so confused
I really don't know what am I holding on?
I want to talk to somebody
I need advice ....

He is making progress?
I don't know... But efforts I certainty can see ....

But why I don't know I don't know how to face him?
I dated him not bcoz of intimate stuffs lo...
I just want to date clean and nice ....

Actually I knew the reason why I am moving further away from him....
This is the main reason .... I am going siao soon

I really felt trapped
Super trapped ....
I knew I could go siao everytime he will
Give me this face ....
Why u betrayed me
Why u don't love me anymore
Why why why

I felt super bad
I don't know how to face him anymore ....
I felt so stress
Felt so sian
Felt so sian
Felt don't know
Don't know what to do....

Things aren't working well at all
I am running further away
The more he want to pull me closer but he isn't making the effort, or those things I am wishing him
To be doing

I am sorry toward him

Happy new year eve

2012-01-01T03:36:00.001+08:00

Year 2010 (end of it)
I remember, is him that spend the very last moment with ne...
For the past 2 year, it had always been the case...

This year :) 2011...
I am spending it with unknown ??
Nope, is going to be with hairy monsters hahha

Out of the sudden, a Lot of images flashed ...
We wearing the standard chartered singlet...
Eating fried rice ...
And fish soup at my house
Then make our way to one fullyeron ....

Kind of miss that feeling but I knew we can't get that back anymore
Sigh :(

What actually went wrong !
Is it true that 3rd party came along ! Shake head, remember or not, we kinda of ignored the signs of the r/s is in danger???

I hate ppl take me for me
And I never treated u like shit and idiot
Toll I committed the wronging
Coz I knew that this is the only way that I could gather courage to say good bye

19 days more to flat selection
I need to re think again
I
Could actually force myself to temporally accept
But how long more could I pretend ??

Sigh
What's is broken, can't be amend

He did it again

2011-12-20T21:43:00.001+08:00

There he goes Again, should I do the necessary check on his phone ?
I don't think so
Coz I don't think I would ever had that chance, I am surfing in my own mind.... Thinking of a perfect way to lay down....

Living in such life, ppls consider Xing Fu...who know exactly how I feel?

The more things he discovered
The worse we could ever be !!!
I give up....
I dot wish to carry on anymore ....
Coz I did him wrong 1st
No point for me to carry faking that smile....

He deserve something more ....
I give up

我好累...

2011-12-13T04:18:00.001+08:00

I am super exhausted ..spending the whole day talking, trying to solve thing out...I rather indeed I had turned out to be super extremely cold blooded ...

I knew the mistake truly Lies in the lies covering the lies which is generally created by me...
Whites lies turn ugly
Dirty lies turn even dirtier

I see him, suffering in my place...o really had this uger to let him
Go....
Feel like telling him, he deserve someone way better than me....
When he told me, never had this intention to let me go...I was taken by shock...
Coz I think he should trow me away toss into rubbish bin....

Anyway, my private life is my own doing...nothing to do with those ex BFs... in my life
Don't comment on my life when u are already super history in my life....
Get a life....

The next time u talk Ur fuckkng cock about my life, then u will start war with me...
Since when u ever won a single ear against me....
Don't try me....

Regard this as...I stay away from Ur business, and u should don't poke Ur nose into mine...

Once again, wish to apologize to the man I just hurt the most...
The more I think, the worse I thjnk I had become

我不知道

2011-12-11T22:44:00.001+08:00

Currently? I am confused :(
After watching ruo xi eventually she is dead
Make me think, 4 ah GE, 8th ah GE all fought over her so badly
In the end, she married a man that she never had feeling for
14th ah GE but she is fortunate lady
Coz she got so much love by all those awesome man

No doubt she love the most is 4th ah GE, 8th ah GE is her 1st love....
In the end ? All bcoz of the dragon throne, these nan ren can't give up their power and fame for a girl

In the end, they lose the love of their life..... How I wish u are here....
I am missing u badly...
Miss stephy Wong, where are u??
I miss myself, where is my smile?

Since when I lost my smile? 'an
This is not good , I am so sleepy now good night

Being in love ? Nope, I wasn't :(
Currently, I am more like a stranger to him and so does him

Feeling a bit off

2011-12-04T23:37:00.001+08:00

Meet or not
Isn't too important

I want to shout out
Who who who stolen my feeling
Can I have it back please

Another "awesome" day

2011-11-27T16:24:00.001+08:00

It's another day, he told me why am k
Bombing his phone early morning
I was taken by surprised
Perhaps he doesn't know the feeling of being kept "unknown" of the future events ....

The story basically goes like this....
Sunday supposedly is my family makan day, then he said he got Cdo friends outing, I am happy and most wiinging to let him attend this rare outing...

The reason I want him to enjoy too... But the questions and what made it most fishy, he won't tell me the time they meeting, the location they meeting and roughly what tine this meeting will ended ....

So i kept asking like a idiot, he kept avoiding this questions as if he isnnt meeting his guys army friends but more like meeting female

Another melting point is
I had to wait like a idiot since 2pm till 4pm, for him
Whereby he could actually stay longer with his friends to enjoy the rare
Meet up....while me can actually dress up and go out 1st

Isn't better ???? Now I had been wasting my time like idiot, and unable to meet up my colleagues

Sian...is this the man I am going to have babies with?
Is this the man that I had to spend te rest of my life with??

Doubts and questions really filling my mind and I am suffocating like hell...

Later at the wedding, Tl surely will mock me for throwing mc ystd
Talking about ystd
I was 65% sure this man is one son of a bitch
Why? Simple
I told him i was threaten by Tl SMS
And I am scared, although this isn't the 1st few times I received it but the bottom line is I am still scared

Told him but his response is like freaking shit, in the end I atilll had to be a man to console myself

Taking the bet gamble that Tl won't never come

Sigh? Told my mum about our serious lack of communication problem
Told
Me
What she feel..

She felt that in this r/s, my role is a teacher, a mother, a guidance
I felt so true
And tired
Super tired and exhausted

He always shoved me to one side and whenever there is a big pool of shit
I must stand in front of him to bear the shit

I felt utterly disappointed
Now time is 4:23 pm
He still at his friends
Sigh sigh waste my time
Waste my time
Waste my time
Waste my time

Waste my time
Waste my time
Waste my time
Waste my time
Freaking waste my time

the day i realised i am nt too smart after all

2011-08-20T22:59:00.002+08:00

currently, i cant bring myself to forgive and forget..
i felt the pain whenever those sentence came onto my mind, "want to go walk walk"
is not my style ..
not my cup of tea...
to see other private life ...
even that person is your bf ..(last time, is my potential hushand to be) now?? i never want to marry again..

i felt so sick and so sick so sick...
i sick and tired of everything in my life
i dont know what else i could do..and what else i could want to do..

i am so tired..
because of him, i lost all of my friends..
i thought ...i thought i thought ...
this is the end of me..

my tears is going to fall.??
i dont know..
i just dont want to have anything to do with him anymore..

once i settled myself..
i am going to call of this..r/s once and for all..

anyway, what is new??
he did it to his ex gd because of me
he can do this to me because of her..
so?
no issue, dont worry, i walk away silently, no question asked..
no question ...would be posed..

nothing at all..
i hope before his birthday, i could cut the tie ...clearly...
i dont want to drag this further..

i dont know but i believed that i never fall for anyone else..
no more..
no man worth of my tears again...
good bye my self...

good bye to this place.,,
find a day and pack my stuffs
transfer back to my houyse..

before the day, end, i told myself i wont hate u
but i cant...
i dont want ur smile
dont want u
dont want u anymore..

why? seem the heart is broken
why bother..to mend..

i would train myself to be the fittest..
from today onward..
i wont listen to ur rubbish
i wont ask u anything..
till the day i break off tie with u..
good bye mr park..

i got nothing to say

2011-08-07T11:13:00.001+08:00

mistake is a mistake
error is forever an error
am i just being greedy>

eyeing for thing that couldnt never be mine??
i give up

Happy day, sorrowful ending

2011-07-18T21:25:00.004+08:00

its been at least 5 days without arguments
eventually, i thought everything would turn out truly fine...

i really thought so, even when he said YISHUN got BTO, my response isnt that negative,
i even tried to force myself to like the thing...but i realised my efforts are gone into drain..

coz eventually, i am still being taken for granted
like the sun...always there, but always being taken for granted..

i shouldnt be upset??
i tried not to be upset =(
trust me, i really did...

but the pain is just too much for me to bear alone...

ever since, i intro of FB (facebook) to him,
ever since, IPHONE 4 came into our lives..

something is very different...
we had this barriers in between us..

he would be very into his games/ check-in / FB

he rather talk to FB than me ..
tell me this is normal>?

well, i admitted
i am not as "attractive" as a FB icon...
then i tried to be as normal in repsonsing this situation...

i am sick, yet he refused to hold me??
his eyes is on ???
FB ????

i am giving up =(
i dont know what else i could do...

hopefully, god would give me some clues on what to do next ??

i tried to drown myself into books..now...

Problem is mean to solve or meant to ignore??

2011-05-30T18:24:00.001+08:00

Listening to Elva Song
Ta He Ta De Gu Shi (His and Her Story)

is reflecting our situation now...

i got no words to describe how i felt now...
is it really me ? i lost the loving feeling?
or i had changed totally??

i felt so lost and confused ..
i felt so lost ..

is it me again??
is my fault again??

fine, i take it ...
is all my fault

I Drive myself Crazy

2011-03-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

Lying in Ur Arm, so close together...

It's been quite sometimes since I blogged..
hehehe =) lazy and plus tired..

i had been blogging for at least 5 years? haha this was initiated by someone
but that someone had never been important to me at all..

=) i am so glad that I had not been working for 1 month 2 weeks .heehe =) i am out @ dragon boat training. this dragon boat training had not been excellent fun because due to the dragon boat trainer, trained us like army personnel.
i had in total submitted 8 days of MC.. shiok right> must probably the highest records
come on, who cares.

but this year, is my 2nd year in DB.. this year particularly i really felt very achievement.
because i was part of the permanent cast of DB OH..
take note: i was scolded every day in the 5 weeks of training..by trainer..for this and for that.
hahaha yet, i proved myself to be worthly in the boat,
guess what? female achieved 1st
beat PCG by 0.04 seconds.
hahhaha =)
so happy

i remember the 1st year, i trained with my then-sc mr randy & sam.
they are only motivation why i am inside DB.
THIS YEAR, i got a new member; mandy
although, we already stopped contacting with each due to different npc and different shift.
but surely, she had been one of the very reason why this DB is fun.

one funny issue; i should be less appealing day by day in division due to the intake of female officers but this year, i realised that i am much more popular than ever.
hahaha =) hao lian right?
actually, i dont really know why? i am 100% normal ordinary.

initially is sam's eye candy, to me
that guy only had height, build and maybe a good smile..
hahah for me, i think i prefer the sc ..more...
then then, sam eye candy had his eyes on me..hahaha
-( sorry sammy..

but but this guy is married man..
so so ..i dont think i would be contacting him...bcoz he is married.
no 3rd party plus i got a good boyfriend (no no, is good husband material)

hahaha =) this show all married man cant be trusted...hehehe =)

studies hit the rock

2011-02-20T00:42:00.003+08:00

currently, i am so freaking disturbed by my studies progress
my statistic gba i hit the bottom of the rock, i really worried for my ECA how sia?
i tried to email my lecturer hopefully, this would work.....

another one is my communication essay (summary and my views)
i think i cant study here.

something had happened in between us, we are no longer, loving,
we had arguement easily.

oh no

2011-01-24T20:17:00.001+08:00

my studies had hit a rocky start
i am in a different class with my bf
this is not a good thing !!!

1st thing : i didnt receieved my sim student card..

So much more that I can say

2011-01-08T16:39:00.003+08:00

I hate the slums and sutterings of my voice..
I hate that I had to swallow every single thing
That I am not pleased with...
That's my motive for the 1st entry of 2011

I am a gal whom generally really desired for some
Reasonably attention from the boy whom claimed and pledged
To stand by me but in the end, ops not even reaching the end of the
Journey... "we see the true color"
Hahhaha

Life gone on like it never ends ...every ppl handles
Stress in many different ways : scream, shout, eat and cry
I am such person
I run !!!
If I am alone, I will go running and then settle with one
Icey cold beancurd
Habana satisfied
Then I will cool down and think with my proper mind
What I had done to deserve such outcome?

I am sick sick sick
I dun feel like talking to any1
Why am still concern about wasting his car's petrol while doing nothin
Inside his car?

I really CMI
I DESERVE A TIGHT SLAP
I am sleepy..is time for my nap
I give up

My Goals

2010-12-27T19:34:00.002+08:00

2010 coming to an end, unfortunately i didnt achieve much beside a markman and a IPPT gold
my studies ended up in shits.
but lucky, SIM university had accepted me

=) i really hope this time, my studies will strongly boast up !!! anyway xmas my sister & my mother brought me my recorder !!! my heart is really grateful toward my mother, coz i knew she is the one that initiated the whole thing !!!

smile smile..
i had listed down the below goals to achieve by 2011

1. I wish for the black mole on my list to disappear (even i had to spend 2000 bucks to go for comestic surgery to remove it)

2. I wish for my 1st year of Security & Mangement Studies GPA to achieve at least 3.2

3.I wish that I can achieve a good timing of 25 min for 5 km.

4. I wish to slim down to 50 kg (i should have at least 4 kg to shed )

5. I wish to be more calm and composed when coming to handling issues

6. I wish my whole family to be happy forever

7. I wish to learn the art of make-up

8. I wish to learn to more female female.

these are the 8 wishes i hope to acomplish by 2011

Teenage dream going to end soon i am 23 years old..
i really hope that I can achieve my goal in my life

these are below mentioned goals i wish to be complete before 30

1. learn to swim

2. be senior officer in spf or sps or cnb

3. be myself

4. find someone whom truly love me and my family

cheers my friends !!!
all the best to you guys
xmas and happy new year

Happy Birthday to you my love

2010-11-24T09:27:00.002+08:00

i kinda of forget what is like when he is sweet to me liao
i kinda of forget how is it like to be his gf
when he is deadly to see
i really hate the fact, i got depressed
i really dislike the fact, i am now alone

today is his birthday
but but
he only know how to reply in facebook
he asked me to ren ren ren
how long more can i ren
tommorrow
i think of going to malaysia with lao ma

he going for his shooting test
then i should truly enjoy myself for this short period of time
if he wish to meet me, then he should make the effort to come down
to look for me.

why am i forever waiting here for him??
smile my gal..
this is not the end,but another beginning of a new chapter

cheer up,
u dun only exist in his world.
i try my best to be happy..

smile smile

again who is the selfish one??

2010-11-23T10:42:00.002+08:00

i also dun know???
tomorrow is his birthday
but he is sick
i cant do anything
i also dun know what can i do
i always believed i am suited ppl very well
but when ppl cant suit me, i can get very depressed.

anyway, i also dun know what else i can really do
tell me would you !!1

currently, i dun knw what i should do
i just wasted 26 bucks on a bus ticket that i wouldnt board at all
upset to the cock..

and here i am
doing stupid self blogging
so fear that my colleague would see me not going oversea at all
tell me ladies
why ??

i only buy 1 set of present i think that's it ba
i dun know what to do
i am going to do running tonight since we got no plans

i dun care
if he cant tag along
i dun wana to trapped inside the house
doing nothing

happy birthday to you
i hate you as much as i love you

Result so far

2010-11-14T12:20:00.002+08:00

okies today de tiong barus challenge
they separated females and males
i can say !

wise choice
i ranked 37 out of dun know how many ladies
anyway i think quite a lot of ladies very fit hor

i raced about 31mins
without training hard for 5km
so still got time to train up..
bottom up..

next target is leisure jogging
5km
timing below 30 mins..
that's my aim..
if she can do
so do i ..

and i must do it better
better
understand??

dinner would be subway.
hahahha

plans

2010-11-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

Sunday
5 km plus 30 stories

Monday
East Coast Park
10 km (or at most 8 km)

Tuesday
Around Bishan

8Km (or at most 5 km)
Timing Check
< 40 mins

Wednesday
Around Bishan

5 km ( No lesser )
Timing Check
< 40 mins

then i work Morning
shift

night time , go bishan and jog jog
then before night shift
morning
go for 5 km leisure jogging

okies..my 1st off take rest..
fighting..
plan beautifully
jopefully can

Already gone

2010-11-13T21:26:00.001+08:00

talking about the recent sport day
quite embarassment hor
100m
sian..
sigh sigh
but never

next year one
i surely full force
and train super well..

okies i volunteer for the upcoming 5km cross country
hahaha hopefully this time i can shine shine..
hahaha

anyway, i check out liao..
she did it in 30mins..
so i need to target it
30mins
tmr..

hopefully tmr
i can score 30mins
or less for 5km..
i will run like as it there is no tommorrow

okie i got less than 1 month to train up...
fighing..

Parachute

2010-11-06T22:54:00.002+08:00

ohoho...
its going to be tough sport day again

meaning??
i was "forced" to take part
in 100m, 400, 4x100m, 800m
hahaha
great plus the 1600m i took part in the heat
i took part in 5
great

hahha did i sign up>>>
i thought so sia
hahaha never mind, hopefully

anyway, try my best hor
despite my leggy condition didnt seem too well
i knew i had to eat more meat (lean meat) for my muscle tears
hahhaa but but u know me i dun like meat

i only like Fried food
hahaha

hahaha currently, i think i am in love with U-Kiss this boyband
provided they kept their current style otherwise
hahah off they go..
ahaha

hmm i think i had paying too much attention on some thing
haha no no no goods
hahaha

tmr is night shift again and again
=) night night

=) reflection

2010-10-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

oh today is my 2nd off
apparantely for some reasons, i dun really love to hang out with friends
because i scared i might reveal too much of me??
hahaha

to be honestly, i love hanging with my boyfriend because in front of him, i dun have to pretend who i am not..
although he often wish that i can be someone else?? hahaha

okey now i am 22 years
next year jan
i would be enrolling into SIM.
lovely..
for mha course
security and management

haha hey hey not become a security guard hor
is management level?? hahaha
hopefully can completed this course within 5 years
by then, i am 28
years

i would before i graduate from this course
quit spf
then take a break from this madness.
(most likely should be 26 years old)

Hopefully by then, i would save up until 30k
then i would slowly take some out to go for a long tour around the world
then
apply prison or CNB senior officers
hehehe great right??
ya ya
i forgot about CNB hahaha
lovely..
i kept my fitness
IPPT GOLD
then i entered HTA again
but this time as a SENIOR OFFICER

i wouldnt quit becoming part of the senior officers management level
this is what i am living for..
fighting
my love..

although i might be suffering
because studies while working is very terrible and difficult but
dun give up..
okey??

although i might faced a lot of bad ppls
like that smelly rat aka haha
but but dun give up..
because he might be my boss today

but not tmr..or not the day after tmr..
fighting baby wen
hahhaha

yes cant let this feeling end..
i might continue to fight for my future
dun give up
right now,
i got 2 months to idle
then i would full force
to strike
at the 1st sun light

boring 2nd off

2010-10-27T20:06:00.001+08:00

funny issues is
i still havent pass my lonely 2nd day off..
but i believe tmr which is on 28th october would be so super bored..hor..

hahahha recently i gained about 8 kg
which is ridiculous alot hor.
hahaha pls god bless me..
to shed at least 4 kg before 24th Nov

hahaha
ok tmr i should be a out door gal..
i would go gym early morning or
orh i go active park ..to go for a jog
then i take a rest..
go library

to borrow interesting books for my night shift
which is back to sqaure 1 counter again..
hahahhaa

=)
i need to shed a few kilo
hahaha
gym or active park..
jia you hor..
my dar dar now sleeping so soundly
ahahha
what to purchase for his birthday?>>
i really dun know

love shinee hello hello
so sweet song
really cant wait to see angeline chai and the gang
miss them
seeya on 29th

Teenage dreams

2010-10-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

Talking about future..
hehehhe
+)

Teenage dreams..
after i get married ..i surely will take a long road trip...
to western country...
and
hahha be wild wild..
hahhaa

5 years then i would get my degree if i successful lah
5 years later than i will get marry hehehhe

心疼妳的心疼

2010-10-21T23:03:00.002+08:00

my topic is 心疼妳的心疼 Xin Teng Ni De Xin Teng
previous post is about how xinfu i am..
this current post is slightly different..
hehehhe

past 2 days, i am so xin fu..
i got a 100% caring boyfriend
but today, we throw temper at each other again
1 times in 2 days..
i am missing him..liaooo

exactly, the same boyfriend i had during hta..
i really wana to hug him tight...
but but...
i really dun know what exactly, i needs..

time cant rewind
but what can i hold onto??

must thing really turns into something we both cant predict??

what am i thinking???
nothing??
or i am thinking too much???

my thorat is abit sore..
i dun feel like talking..

my heart beats for someone else??
i began to move further away ..
i want to stay ..
but but can i stay>>>

who can i turn to??
i really think i am losing myself..

pls god..
allow me to love myself..
confused

Taiwan AAR =)

2010-10-18T21:47:00.003+08:00

Hello guys it's been awhile since i had blog
hahhaha

Oh i went taiwan on 10/10/2010
hahah 3 10s hor..hahhaa
that's so cool
i went with the low family...
hahaha Low papa Low mama Low mei mei and Low ge ge
is a cool trip..

hahhaha ok..its been a long and short 8 days of trips..
i had ups and downs..
lets hear the downs..

Low mama is so hahhaha
had transformed into spider hor..
hahahha

These 8 days, she had been so kan chong
hahhaa everyday wake up so early for breakfast how..
i almost collapsed hor..
hahaha
but yet, i am the 1st one to wake up..hahhaha
dar dar kept saying i am sleepy bug
everytime go overseas, i refused to wake up..
hello low ge ge, this time, i WON...

the journey is quite fun bcoz personally this is the 1st time,
i had went overseas with a family hahaha
my male boy friend's family..

Actually initially, i had doubts for this trip really trust me..
i hate the idea of coming to oversea with a family
especially most likely this family might be my in-law

so my feeling is a kinda of mixed.
i scared that i might blow my temper at them bcoz
i knew that i am not a good temper lady
but this time, i think i only throw temper at my poor low ge ge hahaha..
sorry baby baby...

beside the long bus journey from taipei to tai nan to tai zhong back to tai bei again.
i still thank god for this trip why>?

because i had been sleeping on my dar dar's shoulder..
poor him, he had fallen sick due to the different weather condition.
yet, i had throw temper at him quite a few times.for
ignoring me for days but
still love you man..

hahhahaha ...
i love low pa pa because i saw him him him in in in..
" swimming truck" wooooh
so sexy
baby u lose this time hor..
hahhaha

Low Papa is so cheeky hor..
he did alot of things that make me feel that he is such a interesting laopa..
how i wish my laopa is like him..
cute cute..
hahahha

next in line..
is everyone had been saying that i am low jie jie hor.
hahaha
which indicate that I had been young too??
Low Mei Mei is only 17 years hor..
hahhaha

true enough, I had been quite close to her.
after all, this 8 days only me and her
and joo jooo
hahahhaa

lovely

this trip ended too soon..
ended ..too soon..

baby !!!!
the next coming sentences..
coming from the bottom of my heart

i had injured my leggy right??
u had been very nice to me
why>>>

u bring me to see doctor..
by buying 20 bucks e-day license..
despite the fact, u had been runnning low
i really thank god for u...
u had been there for me.
really
in any staircase, u are there
lending me the arms...

i really grateful to you.
love you many many...
its been awhile, since u are been so wen rou to me.
i really miss u so much hor..
but i know is my fault
i had been throwing temper at you
thats why u had been also in bad mood..
baby pls pls..forgive me
okey??
u more wen rou to me
then i will be even wen rou to you..
hehehhe

baby ...love you many many
pls hold onto our love ...love you

ever in love before

2010-08-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

how i wish, i can tell him everything i know
how i wish, he can stay by my side..instead of going back to the colleague he had already faced more than 14 hrs..
how i wish, i never become his xxxx..
how i wish, our memories can remain...
but but... i ruined it
i shouldnt have ruined our precious moments together
at least, u would always remember that i am ur good and guai mei mei instead now..

i going to give my heart away, i know if this continue, u and me .going to get hurt again.

just 15 mins.. u cant wait to go liao...
is my fault?
i lose u ?
i lose everything...
i know...

hehhehe
never mind, i know ..
i wont be waiting for u..too..
because i know i would be a burden to u and me.
i just hope that u can always remmeber that we had a great time at ubin ..
i am forever ur mei mei..
rather than this wilful girlfriend.

i dun make up
i dun wear dress that often
i had embarrasse u too much
sorry
i would slowly move out from ur world.

give me by e end of this year
i would be giving u trouble anymore..
as much i love u
u are hurting me

i dun felt that i wish to see ur face anymore
love is painful..
i got my retribution now

the sinful of going out with someone else rather than be a guai girl waiting for u at home..
i wouldnt be doing that anymore
because i cant waste my youth ..
enjoy...
my dear..

i am not going to wait ...
i really wana to love u forever
but the pain is too much for me to bear
i am going to march forward..
i am not going to bring u with me anymore.
sorry.tears are rolling down..
why?

it hurt me to say that.

from now onward, i declared WAR with all football..
all balls.
i promise and swear on my grave
if my next boyfriend love to play football.
i would murder myself...

no other

2010-08-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

giving a brand new feeling
what kind of feeling is that?
can give me more example.
is what i used to get from my ex bf?

that he had been doing the same thing? hmmm..
qns pop up..
who can answer?
tmr how?

should i just zzz at home home..then borrow jie jie car car to work
then come back again??
hahhaha
qns is here to be ask ask.
ask..

hahhaha give us both more time to stop looking at each other>>>
i think is better in this way than the previous one
anyway
he is going to fb
i should be stopping him..to have more time with his friends
when he is not ever happy to be with me..
learn to understand
i wouldnt die without him..
oh..

well today, prove that i am still popular in my working area
hahahha
malay boi dun suit me..
smile smile..
time for another romance.?
hahaha no more..
i might wana a girl...
hahahha
night night...

future vs me

2010-08-03T19:12:00.002+08:00

future vs me.
i always love to imagine what would happen next?? example, if ever 1 day, someone willing to get me as his bride who that person might be?
would he be loving me forever, stay by my side until his last breath? i really love to imagine..
but now, i really i cant help it and thinking whether i would ever had this honour to be someone bride.

road is never a bed of roses
but i cant help thinking that why things just dun go well?
hahahha
i really hope that 1 day, i can have an answer.

my dearest Ns friend had ORD

2010-08-02T21:28:00.002+08:00

actually today is the non-official ORD for my dearest friends mr randy.hahhaa
despite the fact that we arrived in this place almost the same time, the same NS intake when i am still in hta had finally departed from this stage moving on
to a brand new life stage.

congrat my dearest ns friend.
i still remember we will talk aggrestively about how our working environment sux
how ppls here working without brains..etc...
now, left me alone..
yes just me..

dun worry friend, although we did have conflicts among us but still the one who i can really complained things and explain clearly the current situation
would always be u..
hahhaa
touch? haha

well actually i really admired someone like u because
u are the only 22 years old boi that had such clear goals in ur life
and u know u are moving toward (forward) to ur goal
i am clearly inspirated by u..
jia you my dear friend

life still goes on but memories of u as our sc/sgt
would still exists..
hope that u do have some good memories about us ..hahhaa

all the best,
get a double degree and strive for what u desire..
although we wouldnt be seeing that often liao, but still smile smile ok?
ur stubborn behaviour ahahha would be badly miss..
hahaha

night night..time for me to zzz

=(

2010-07-28T22:17:00.002+08:00

Upset..why?
failed my shooting? so upset bang bang cant make it..
2 days ago..so proud 1st time in my life got IPPT GOLD..
thought can have a good grade in shooting..
cant even pass at all..
so upset..
i am losing confident that i might have the courage to continue this game..
i hate the fact that i am losing myself ..
and i hate the fact that i am lossing my cool..
hehehe

is a game..
is meant to be a game..
shouldnt it be??
hahahha
fatty tummy out again..
sleepy..
i might be going to zzz...
soon..
hehhehe
game is meant to be a game..
love the world..rather fancy over a single man

how many times and how many lies

2010-06-19T22:35:00.003+08:00

once again, i felt this feeling of giving up..
i knew i am pissed off with everything i know..
i knew i am not up to standard, i know i cant continue this way,
but i am super unhappy, i cant take it anymore..

his every single words is insulting
for example, his car key battery is out, did i ask him to take the car key in the 1st place?
then he already/or maybe did not heard what i say regarding the car cant operate without the car key alarm, when he screwed big times, he FUCK me..
for what ? for not telling him?
upset, i tried to help him by asking him for the house key but in the end, what did i get? fucking by him again..for???
being smarter than him,???
for being calmer than him>>>

thank for the FUCKING SESSION..
then he expected me to calm down and listen to his FUCKING PLEAS...again..
again..
i accepted the fuCKING explaination again and again..
what to do..
i am such a fool..

he blamed me for everything ..
including the sgrunner tee..did he appreciate him at all?
why am i still shedding tears for such asshole??
why? am i still such a fool???
he measured the previous runner tee, then come up with the decision, i trusted him..
agreed to it..
to me, what make me heartbreak..and upset
is .
i didnt even wana to blame him for the wrong size tee..
i dun even have the intention...
until until
he fucking asshole
blamed me again
is his pride getting in the way?>

i dun deserve him at all?
i dun even wana to think about that anymore..
i am left with 1 hr to go to work, yet he dun treasure the time we spend together
yet he perfer to sit at the tv and wait and laugh with his sister..
ok??

never mind, i should enjoyed the company of myself..
later...
i dun care anymore..
why should i care?
why should i prevent myself from having fun?
ahahha
come boys..
is time to enjoy myself over and over..
again..
i should not give in anymore..
no more..
no more..
no more..
i dun think there is a need anymore..
flirting is good for health..
i will never think of his face..

is time to have great time..
life is short..
dun give up..
my ladies...
revenge?
no...i dun take anymore..
i just being myself..
boyfried is never enough...

magic show

2010-06-18T10:58:00.002+08:00

hhoho..
5 more days to exam, but my feeling is like.so what?
i got so little resource..
is difficult for me to study anyway..
i dun even know assignment 2 got pull my assignment 1 up ..
hopefully mr tan..can help help..

anyway, i had covered all the areas that he gave the clues to us
but the mcq i am quite afraid..dun know what to do..
i scared it come out qns that never really see before..then i really dun how to save dar dar and me..
hehehe
later going to hta again, yes..
then pei him..study there until 7pm ..
then i had to go NC meeting
but jie jie called me telling me that..she got wonder girls concert tickets..
asking me to go ..
help..how sia..

i need to decide..as soon as possible
who can help me go ?
rudra i doubt so..
he surely dun wana de..
fazi?

but he is new leh..how how how...
die die..
anyway dar dar..only can depart from hta at 7pm..
i cant go anyway..
never mind lah..
wonder girls..now the songs also not nice at all..
dun go..better..
hehehe smile smile...
already sms fazi regarding nc meeting hehhee
never mind he replied...liao..
no time..hehhe
never mind..
smile smile..
no solution bad bad..

A refresh me

2010-05-26T21:34:00.002+08:00

hehehe..just now read through the past entries i just remember why i had fall in love with him.
i had been such an asshole, to him in work
throwing temper at him, always insult the modesty of a man?
is that such act? hahha

anyway, regardless what is the outcome, i know that i am not alone at least.
smile smile !!!
i will try for the last time for this module.
i later submit my assignment 1 for lao shi
and if he accepted it, i will work harder and ask him alot of qns along the way

hehehhe
i need to come to class regularly and understand that he is not used to this plus
i shouldtn push him too much,
asking him to make decision everytime on the spot
come on, give him a break
a chance to breathe in and at least he can think properly.
hehehhe

no matter what fozhu pls bless me
i had been very long since praying to him,
i had been using a lot of dirty words
i should restrict myself from that
i want to go back and become the past me.
dun change because u cant take the stress

i need to understand..
ok fozhu pls bless me
bao yu wo..
good night..
ladies
and gentleman
no more creations

T-Junction of my life

2010-05-26T21:01:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i really wonder am i suitable to call myself Good for nothing?
yes i am one.

How to say?
i am such an asshole.
drag him go and study IT
promise/ensure him that we will pass out together in JUNE 2011
but this goal will just drift further and futher away
coz he failed 2, i failed 1
and now currently, the inft 2008, even a small assignment 1
i cant pass,
how am i suppose to say?
am i good for nothing?

really i am good for nothing
i come to a T Junction for my studies
if i quit now, i should only study after i quit spf in june 2011
oh, i change to office hours,
either one
either i change division or i chnage job..
i need to choose..
seriously...

Happy 1 year Anniversary

2010-05-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Wooh.. Have our pre-celebration on 16th (No choice, dar dar had to go for courses so ?? sob sob)
we had pretty much joy on 16th
we doll ourselves as usual, i really feel like a woman.
and happily go out and enjoy.

we had indeed spend a bomb on one and another but worth the price.
so 1st stop : Home Team Convention @Suntec city
what can i say? compare to Army Open House, it dun really have much varietys. but ..never mind lah,
support my own unit !!!

then we had JAPANESE FOOD ..@ MSQ
the set lunch according to dar dar " Waah Sux"
mine is curry mee not too bad,
and why we specially go this japanese food because
i want to eat the desert but never really got a chance to eat.
dar dar remember so he specially brought me there and he picked the bill tab
(woooh thanks you so much)

then next stop: shop shop around MSQ then we decided to go orchard.
hahaha funny thing is :
again where should we park our vehicle?
come on, my laogong is super stingy coming to this parking charges
so we had decided to park someowhere legal but hard to get a parking lot

hahaha we are lucky asshole manage to get one good spot
dar dar can save on his parking

before we get out from the car
he gave me my 1st present for this 1 year anniversary
1 lovely piggy (which must be representing dar dar ?? hahha )
holding roses (which he hand-made during I-working, he didnt get any zzz poor boi )
and he had to figure it out how to place the zhu zhu with roses into a glass bowl.
lovely, i was so touched..
thanks mucks dar dar

we get out from the xiaohong
and walk to Ngee Ann City
to buy my 2nd present (which we brought a couple matching wallet)
lovely, another bomb to his saving $$$ account.. 3 digits
lovely !!!

thanks dar dar again
we shop shop awhile, he offered me to buy me stuffs i seldom and never eat before
i had never tasted a durian pakecake before
and bread papa cream puff
he brought and i makan makan
he seldom eat. despite he must be feeling hungry !!!
so touched..

we decided to take Neo print again
hahaha yes
this time the Neo print was very nice, i think i had grown prettier hahaha
ops..hahha very comfortable to hang around by his side
despite he is very da nan ren but
he love me..
i love himm..
ops...sorry

then we came back to ngee ann city for dinner since the parking fee is foc
hahaha
yes
japanese food again,
after being with him, i ate more japanese food than ever.
but this time, this one we tasted before, super "waaah delicious"
hahha but this time, this bill is another big bomb..
again he picked the bill
Sayang laogong..
sayang Laogong..

and then raining.
Because due to the make-up i putting on, i cant WALK IN THE RAIN
(wahahha)
i had to RUN RUN RUN (DEVIL RUN DEVIL)
hahaha
tell me why am i a woman>??
hahaha
i love it

then he drove his car and fetch me while he alone RUN RUN RUN a distance to get his xiaohong
he gave me the biggest surprise in my life.
he gave me a photo box?
which he DIY himself and all our memories.
he specially do it..in 1 night
super chio !!!

he is super creative and super loving.
despite the fact, i might received many $$$$ money gift in my life,
this is no doubt the best gift i ever received because this is what i had desired for
someone whom know me so well, took so many photos..
and managed to create a story of us

"pussy wen " meets "cock joo"
hahhaa
i am doing something a movie presentation for him.
hopefully can be done.

the day is called end.
is short but fufilling day

what did i brought for him?
his all time desired.
purple silver pink bowling ball..
hahaha
hope he love it.and like it
yawn..
time to bed..
sleepy
tmr still had to do assigment 1.
hopefully can pass..
good night...baby boi

am i correct??

2010-05-09T21:08:00.002+08:00

Hohoho...
i am going through a confused state, why? for the 1st time i kena ...rejected but i dun know why i am suppose to say.

hao mah?
hahhaa anyway, i am super confused...confused...

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-04-29T00:26:00.003+08:00

Hahhaa this year, i celebrated 3 days of my bday..hahhaa
i celebrated on 25th hanging out with my hubby, we went out for a short while..to where sia?? i also cant remember? what i do..
ops..hehehhe
we went PS..after 7pm..i think so..
initially, having CARLZ JUNIOR
but knowning that he might suffered

i changed to a japanese food which he might be more..keen and enjoyed in this meal..
i paid for the whole meal as i knew that he is already broke from spending on my bbq..
dun mind..
then we moved around for a short while..
then we back home ...

26th actual day,
wake up dama early, because he wana to cut his hair..
anyway to me, the hair look the same as ..still so AH BENG
then we qued for awhile then finished go back his house..
to drive his papa to SGH for operation
what to do..

poor papa
then we came back home to ...
hahahha dun anyhow think..
dyed hair..
hahah ops.sssshhhh
dun tell my tl and dtl..hahah
anyway i picked the non-obvious hair dye
then he also naughty.
decide to dye his 1/4 portion of his hair...
hahahha

then we sshhhhh dun allow the ma ma to know..
then we packed and off our way to EAST COAST FOR BBBQQQQQ
thanks dar
dar for the BBQ

i only asked a few dear friends along,
we had minmum food because i really dun think anyone would eat that much
then i am right..ahaha
as usual, jap chef always COOK SO SLOWLY until jie jie complained hahaha
she dama monster
too hungry must eat eat..
fat liao lah..sister..

then MA MA PRAISED JAP CHEF for cooking and organising the BBBQ event
well.
he is PROUD TOO..
hahahha
then JIe JIe also had not too bad comments on him..
i think he happy sia..
tooo much hor..

despite this year 22th i didnt have throw a huge party like the previous years
but i still appreciated what he had done for me..
well done, mr joo joo boi boi

then ..we zzzz again and again..
to 27th then then then...
we went out ..as he said he wana to be NORMAL COUPLE
let's dump xiao hong for the day

took MRT to TOWN..where he really dressed lk a GAY LAO
then i realised he had been so gay until quite a no of stares received from many NON-MANLY guys..
hahhaha
well he took me to JAPANESE FOOD AGAIN AGAIN
despite he got no $$$$
yet he decided to treat me with his remaining saving..
loveya dar dar..
u rocksss..

u looked pretty pretty that day ..hahhaa
well..
we had nice food. the same place we celebrated our valentine day
hahha nice..food
then we shopped around..
then i am so tempered to buy iphone 3gs
without contract is 940
saving saving ..
hahhaha

3 days of celebration..
hahah cool..
thanks so much..
hahahha

secom interview is around
he is SCARED ...OBVIOUS ..
HAHHAA dun be dun be..
if i am meant to do BIG THING, i would rise among those..
and be the 100% rocker..hahhaha
night night time to zzz
tmr night shift
then 1st off secom interview ahahah

lazy to type

2010-04-25T13:24:00.002+08:00

just now, my tears flow again despite the fact, i know why i am doing so..
anyway, today would be a wasted day at home doing nothing...
hahaha..
fool again by my own vision..
secom had invited me for their interview.
right now, all i had to do ..is to impress them..
how to impress them/?
cant believe that i am fool again, thought this love would never end..
i really very sleep..
didnt sleep enough i think..
hahhaa

well..tmr is my 22nd birthday that's fast.
if my wish for this year

1. secure a ippt gold
2. slim down to 50kg
3. studies can process all the way to obtaining a degree
4. Year can faster reach June 11 so i can leave that place for good
5. Pls give me someone whom truly adores me and love me from the bottom of his/her heart
6. family all happy, all healthy and living strong..
7. better eq

haahah that's it.
and lastly my dear friends..may u guys/girls..get whatever u want..
hahaha night night
time to sleep

2xu race

2010-04-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

2xu race is one of my worst performance race.. i failed my own self..
by failing terribly..
i didnt run at all..stopped more than 10 times..
no fighting spirit..
at all..
lose myself utterly..
hopefully my next race..i can help myself better.
21th secom coming..
liao..
i still didnt train much in upper body..
die die..how sia

confused

2010-03-28T09:51:00.004+08:00

well, despite the fact i know i get 7/20 marks for sql lab, which mean i failed.
i seriously believed hor, i cant make it for this course because too difficulty for those who had no background...

i just can pray for more blessing for me and joosong hopefully i can pass this round..
another way, i just had given my assignment for inft 2040 to lao shi, i know maybe this assignment also cant make it anyway...
ehhehee

left with 2800, i had done whatever i can ,
just left with those..i havent done..
1 more use case
1 detailed use case
design sequence diagram

one more extended domain class
i know it ..
ke lian de dar dar, still can work hor

bored like hell

2010-03-20T13:21:00.002+08:00

despite i know that i am getting result for my sql lab test
i am not even keen of staying in this class for more than 10 mins..because it had really get onto my nerve
that this stupid woman never really did her best to teach the class at all.
i really dun understand why am i here with a empty stomach and a heart filled with boredness.

last time in poly, at least, i can listen to music, can do my own stupid while waiting for time to pass.
now, i cant listen to music in fear, that he might get angry
i got no place to hide, it is super boring..
super boring

yes yes, i know ppl havent sleep..
since he had been doing night shift, i know
but excuse me, i dun wana to come either hor,
i dun wana to come at all, so what
is the result out today?
i know i am not going to make it
i got no intention to yawn through the night shift i am going to perform..
today..

dama it, super bored.
now still only 1.24pm..
bloody hell..
what i am suppose to do..
i am suppose to do..
talk>
no more feeling liao
talk what sia

empty stomach
empty me
but a heavy heart
i got lots of thought on my mind now,
i tried to understand what had happeened
but i gt no idea
what had happened..
seriously
coming to class but u are not doing class stuffs
what the point of coming to class
isnt going back home and rest is better
making urself
hate this stuffs more and more is a good point mah??
i dun think
and i doubt so.
i am not even 1% interested in this.
seriously
if now at home, after eating, i might be doing the assignment 2
liao
but now.
got no mood
got no feeling
got no feeling
got no feeling

seriously help, can she start the whole thing soon..
wasting ppl..time................................................................................................................

tell me what is love

2010-03-18T15:27:00.003+08:00

blockhead is what i used to call charlie brown
anyway, it has been really ups and many many downs for this season.
what are we suppose to say??

more angers building up for each other, because like what he used to mentioned, we wana more and more from each other, if we dun give in, then anger would replace our true face??
then have we faced each other without placing on the masks at all???

kinda of logical thinking..
i often jump into conclusion without thinking more and more
i know what kinda of lady i am, i am insecure, fatty and stupid
i know where i stand, in his place,
anyway, yi ling told me
is because we faced each other too little
wrong, what she dun know is
we faced each other too much until i gave up my private life for his sake,
he become someone that he used to say " dun take me for granted"
ok..see who had taken whom for granted
now

right now, i dun have friends..
dun have activities
for all these while since studies began, i had been slogging so hard until i really hate facing the computer, long hours from start shift to ending shift,
i am using computer to type notes
for him,
in the end, have he read the note yet??
i really hope that he understand my pains and my concerns
stop saying,dun take him for granted
he is the one whom
see me as a complaint queen..
complain this and that
but touch his heart

have he place in effort to study for me and our future
he kept repeating that he dun wana to let his father down by drop out from school
in the end, he only know how to use words
i really believe if he initially choose xxxx instead of me, he would be much better off.
i should remain single or find someone who truly understand
have the same ambitious like me.

in the end, everything is my fault, because i shouldnt have throw temper here and there
shouldnt have tell him how i felt
shouldnt have made him choose me
shouldnt have love him..
so is my fault..
the wrong and mistake would be corrected
i would restrict myself from falling deeper..
so no string attached

what to do

2010-03-18T10:45:00.001+08:00

just 1 day after our anniversity, i happily typed the words in the morning,
less than 1 hr, we got into arguement again bcoz i wana to go
secom open house??

if he really support me to do whatever i wish to do, shouldnt he be more willingly?
appears more willingly???
i know he needs to take care of his mother at home, so if he felt that is not in his position to go, then i can go myself de.
i wouldnt get angry
because he didnt go with me at all, i really wouldnt get..angry
because i know taking care of mother is more important.
why
must he always spolit my day
why why why

why i always feel that we are drifted away from each other,
i cant even get hold of him now,
i dun wish.
to become like the song,
we become enemies. soon..
or later..

got to gpo

=) happy anniversity 10th month

2010-03-18T09:48:00.002+08:00

Happy 10th Month Anniversity to both of us
it's been a fufilling outing despite, we both zzz until 6pm, come on, we did night shift hor, dead tired

hehehe..
1st stop : we decided what to have for meals
went Novena Area, this chinese Chicken Stall, we had Chi Zhi for dinner, very nice,
because I ever wana to eat this for quite a few time,
i had nagged several times.
hahhaha

we ate quite little as compared with our normally shares.
one tom yam soup (gong gong)
one veg
one sweet & sour pork..
thats it..
hehehe cost dar dar $21.30 /-
hehehe love it..

then we went to another KJ sector,
begin the whole tour of touring KJ sector, i think must be
dar dar yst night working, driving around his work sector, think of all these places..
ahha....

then we went to the Novena sqaure to shop shop for each other monthly present,
he brought a sport bra for me, bcoz i demanded it for quite some times...
but when we U-turn to NIke to buy his NikePro.
Shop closed..
hehehhe save me money $$$ ops..
hehehe it's kidding

then we went to complete Mission impossible 2
eat durian??
meow meow durian??
how's that possible??
because dar dar never eat durian outide 1 hor
i am truly surprise..
cost him a bomb, never eat 1 durian which is big hor
cost me 20 bucks
dar dar pick the tab again
xin ku ni..

then we went to another Mission Impossible 3 place
guess what, i went bowling.
hahhaha
yes i went bowling
ever since, my super bad experience with my family when i was 11 years old,
i never really like bowling at all, i remember i went bowling with someone at genting
i also give up..
but
i played 3 games
my average score is about 70 marks..
hehehhe not too bad for a girl who hate bowling hor..
hehehe

cheers cheers for me..
hehehe of course to the man who had been spending a bomb
just a few hours from 7 pm to 12 am..
muckss..
xin ku ni liao...
massage you..

anyway, its been quite long since i enjoyed myself with him..
cheers ..for the day
may all the good thing happen to us,
and all the bad events i swallow it into my tummy
Help , i kena fatty acids attack again. hehehhe

bye bye ladies..

bringing me love

2010-03-16T10:12:00.002+08:00

bringing me love and happiness
another day pass ,
anyway, i kinda of lazy hor
went to attempt another 16km on sunday
hehhe super bad experience
all our words exchanged was quite harsh

supposely to be relaxing and enjoyable run, he must make it super xxxxx
i know i am super slow but i really wana to go faster but my legs cant carry me anymore
at least, i tried my absolute not to stop,
i already know
he already stopped giving me encouragement hor,
i kinda of so sad, i know this is not a good sign,
i wish i can just throw him at the back of my head, dun care,

anger arose because i still like him??
i really dun know
i am confused again

i know i really wana to live up to his expectation
but can he slower his pace for me??
like i already slowed my university path for him??

can? i really wana a man that dun mis-treat me
dun take me for granted
no matter what i am meeting annie for dinner this thurs
i really cant neglect my friends because of him..
i really felt bad but at least he throw some comfort to me,
telling me that my present is really that important
then my effort, i wont feel any thing weird..

i thought so

2010-03-12T14:15:00.002+08:00

i always thought at least this one would know me better, in the end, i realised no suchh thing..
well a man is all full of himself, he wont think what u wana, as a matter of fact, he wana u to do exactly what he wish.
in the end, who suffer the most?
lady or the man?
i believe both,

i kinda of give up hope that this might be the last boat i am boarding
this boat seen to be like another temporary post for me to move on,
not knowning where i can depart
not knowing where i might be.

only thought hurting each other then we would know what we want.
would the day that we dun have to hurt no more arrived faster than expected?
then the day arrived, where he dun even have to see me at all, coz i believe he wouldnt wana to,
life is nothing but pain,

is the pain we ask for, or is the pain seeking for a soul to inflict pain on???
i often wonder.
if this is the end of everything
would the end of everything simply meant the beginning of everything???
end and beginning
the stop and the start.
how irony it can be??
hahaha

i believe i would live longer than 40 years old by thinking so such
but i seriously disappointed with the result i see in myself.
in the outcome that the r/s had produced
what am i support to say??
i hate myself
or i dun deserve anyone at all,
maybe he would be better off with someone else
i am so wrong.
in the end, i give up hope for myself.
all the best to any one out there

i still gt a sql lab test to perform tonight.

its been awhile since i blogged

2010-03-10T16:47:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i blogged so i decided to blog..hehhee
anyway finally got some breaks from work, i mean daily routine work
pushed into dragon boat, forced by someone
i confronted someone instead of getting myself hated the dragon boat, i kinda of like it
after dragon boat, i went to street craft
i realised not everyone can act well, can display ptd well and have the master tai chi master
ahhaha
well that's me..
i know sql test lab is coming kinda of scared and afraid i really hope nothing goes wrong..pray for abetter..ending..ehehe
hoping that friday not work..but impossible..hehehe

slimmy and fatty

2010-03-04T18:19:00.001+08:00

although had been on my mind for awhile, i really understand why this is going on my mind, i believe that i might not be progressing for a very long period. seriously, i really feared that this is the end of end..

i really dun know ...
hehehe...
tmr is the dragon boat event.. i really hope that my division would have " good " result..
jia you ba...
hehehhe

what the fish ...

2010-03-02T20:32:00.001+08:00

sian 1000 times..
failed both exam and assigment 1..
can i jump down to kallang river??
since i everyday ...cant..even row..properly
kena tanker hahhaa scream at me everyday...
sian ..
life seen to be bored..again..
cant i enjoy a moment of peace???

JUMP JUMP JUMP...
GOAL FOR THIS MOMENT
1. PASS THIS semseter
2. ACHIEVE IPPT GOLD BY THIS FY 10..
3. PASS PASS PASS THIS SEMSETER
4. PASS PASS PASS PASS..I DUN WISH ANYTHING ELSE
BESIDE SILM DOWN TO 50 KG
AND ANA ANA AND AND ..
HAVE MY 6 PACS

UPSET DE CHINESE NEW YEAR

2010-02-21T20:55:00.001+08:00

MOST PROBABLY THIS IS THE WORST CNY I EVER HAVE
the duration is long and painful, i wasnt having any fun at all, as a matter of fact, is painful after painful,
should i go and isolate myself, i kinda of feel that i might not be suitable for any1..

i feel for myself, i feel that i wasnt really for any1 yet.
told ma ma that i used to have bf that is inconisderable to my feeling but at least, he would try to make up for me...
so after all, he wasnt that bad anyway,
hahaha give u some credit mr tan..

i wasnt good to begin with..
counting down days to exam but i havent start a shit, to be exact, mr joo
is the one i am afraid,
after i saw the past exam paper, i feared for myself too..
anyway, if i can make it through then i can make it through if cant..then cant..
i give up...
pls give blessing

currently i am confused

2010-02-18T17:24:00.002+08:00

currently, i am pretty much confused.
love to experiement with persons, love to fool around with people.

yst night outing with my weizhen, angeline doreen and peihui
i think zhaoyue was pissed off with them, coz i am never really that late de hor
yulian was elmo..
hahhaa so thats' why they didnt turned up

its been quite sometimes since i see them, i really missed them..
our laugher and our tears (sweats??)...

heheheh we talked crops and sing song along singapore river..
hahhaha i really missed those days
hahaha
it's been awhile since i gt no conflicts with joo
maybe we have more and more understanding about each other, that's why
we dun give face to each other,?? hahaha

anyway i tired no music cant blog
goodbye

hahh fatty bum bum here i come..

2010-02-17T17:25:00.001+08:00

do i know what is love..
love b/w sisters
love b/w niece, nephew and aunt
love b/w husband and wife
love b/w son and mother

i think i knew abit, after i seen it with my eyes, the moment when the whole family cries for a passed away aunt, the whole family willing to spend hrs at the hospital doing nothing beside praying for her, while she was lying on the sick bay.
so weak so sick to speak, so weak to lift her fragile hand

to pat on her youngest son whom was crying by her side, never cried so badly in his life, he had never know how to behave himself, never know how to be filial to his mother, regarded her words as rubbish.

now he truly understand what it is soon to be over soon..
soon to be over soon..
the clock struck one midnight, she had departed from this world. leaving behind
her faithful husband
her always obedient eldest son, baby ger
her never seen to "grow up" youngest son..

her whole family of "tans"
the tears that her family shed for her, the tears that made up of happiness, sorrow and relived

i am happy for her, because what my belief told me, this aunt had went to a better place although this place is pretty far away,
nope of us would be able to go now,
but i know she would be happy and smiling at her family
from the bottom of her heart for eternal.

although, i do not know you for very long, but i believe u are a well-respected
woman who handled your family well,
a well-loved elder sister, dotes her sibling,
mdm tan
pls depart this world in peace,
for you,
wouldnt be forgotten,
you would 4ever stay in the heart of those whom your kind soul had lay on.
good bye
my elder

i would miss you too..

why tear is made of 1% of tear and 99% of feeling

2010-02-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

99% of feeling , 1% of water
made up tears

pls remember the very 1st day u fell in love with me.
i really cant remember anything liao, i cant imagine how long more that i can last more..
i really dun know
i really dun wish to know..

what i am typing is pouring my souls and my heart now
because there is nothing much i can do to reserve the pain now, anyway,
this doesnt matter him at all, because i dun matter, what opinion i had made, dun matter any1 at all
at work is the same, at home is the same, am i really that worthless??
am i really dun belong here at all..
or am i regarding myself too much
anyway, i really dun know what else i can do...

1st valentine day, 1st cny together doesnt matter at all, because is dun matter at all..
any1 pls bring me out
pls tell me there is always a better catch that this..
pls tell me,
i had been silent through this years..
dun matter at all..

MOST IRRITATING

2010-02-06T14:14:00.002+08:00

Come on, at least i thought she is useful hor, in the end, she is such a suxer.
she is teaching me 2 modules.
hahah come on, can can can murder can commit Sec 309 Cap 224　Ｐａｎｅｌ　Ｃｏｄｅ

hahhaa please arrest me for commit such sin, hahaha
anyway report on Assignment 1 INFT 20400
i had completed 90% of EER MODELS
2. the Transaction requirement
3. the data requirement 75%
4. Business Rules 40%
5. Description of entities, r/s and attributes (beside attributes every thing is 100% Completed)

Cool dateline is 12 feb 2010
after dragon boat, had to come down so to submit this bloody piece of information
anyway, i dun even intend to come down for studies, just wana to throw the assignment at her face that's it. folks..

hahhaa anyway, my current studies now, is abit here and there
quite confusing but hopefully can make it,
anyway, i am going to re-start on sql commands
forget all them..hahha
help help
soon dragon boat training begin for me, on monday
kinda of hate that..but no choice, fighting..ladies..

what a day

2010-02-06T12:15:00.002+08:00

yesterday morning around 0910 hrs, i had this mini talk with someone
that changed my view about someone
anyway, it doesnt matter how i felt coz my opinion doesnt matter.

anyway, someone should do some reflection
someone is so suxy

yst went orchard saw yihui stephanie teo and fiona teo
siao...impossible to see them hor, instead, i saw them at the same building,
hahaha funny funny...
anyway, i missed them hor.. ahaha
lazy to blog ...good night

scary scary

2010-02-02T17:01:00.003+08:00

Finally Finally !!! I think i had completed my EER model design but
i am not sure whether is this the way the EER MODEL WORKDS
BUT at least, i did it with my own knowledge..

HAPPY a bit relived..
after my stupid idiot lecture told me what she needs
but still can improve on EER model i am not sure whether this EER MODELS I CONDUCTED would earn enough points for at least a B GRADE???

hahha i wonder..
Post one picture of my favourite BOi

Cuties Boi (ops i bet a lot of ppl vomiting now) hahaha sorry, vomit is good for dieting..hahha see i am helping alot of ppl out there..ahahah

anyway, for assigment 1, personally i think i can finish it before 5th,
if he can help me along,
i can start doing it like a persentation...
shouldnt be a problem, yst
got new assignment 2.
BIT 2040
sian, this time, pairs up with a girl, and joojoo
hopefully, this assignment would start out with a correct footing.
hahhaa

today de team building wasnt that bad
wasnt that excellent, time really passes, rather than sitting inside a stupid big room listening to one BLOODY SI talking crap, pretending he knew NPCO LIFE
ok. i rather go out and have some sunshine onto me, hahaha

i am going to start my class diagram and activity diagram soon
later need to head back home, to collect car keys and drive the car back to bishan for jay
come on, i am so bloody busy hor
anyway is winson birthday
sheng ri kuai le
may u and da jie
stay 4ever together
please remember to love her
like the 1st day u fallen in love with her

goodbye..
ladiesss

she wear short skirt

2010-01-26T22:26:00.002+08:00

she wear short skirt, i wear short
she wear high hee, i wear slippers
ahahha

well very different hor, kinda of tiring just trying to keep up with others expectation but
it would just make u stronger, anyway, quite a few ppl spotted i cutted my hair
which meant that my cut hair is obvious, did i change another hair cut, shit, i am hungry liao.
today didnt study at all, suppose to ask randy regarding the relationship of umml in the end, i forgot.. so smart hor, u stupid head

orh yap... i forgot to blog about thailand.
i had a veRy fufilling trip with bf, super nice, i really felt good despite the weather had driven both of us crazy, we had argument here and there but, i know deep down inside, we had good times together, i am a lady if i am happy and pleasant with something, is super obvious on my face but if i am not, then hahhaa

i angry with him because i didnt get enough sleep during my night ..shift
then straight go to such hot weather plus i wasnt feeling good at all, i threw temper at him,but can see him trying to ren ren ren
well done baby,
i know right after this trip, he is the man that i seek but but
i am afraid for his studies, i really want to help him but how
he is not absorbing or should i say i shouldnt help him at all, he should learn himself 1st??
i would try..
anyway, hope that he can understand i wasnt pushing him or saying anything
i just wana him to pass.
despite the fact, i also cmi..
baby.. sorry sorry

worried

2010-01-25T13:13:00.001+08:00

Like i mentioned eversince i attended the lab session for my IT course, i kinda of worried, i realised i easily forgotten things.

i had been doing the tutorial qns over and over but dun seen to get the perfect answer.
i am worried.
but seeing my bf, i dun know whether he is worried or not, i am carrying the 2 men fate onto my shoulder, i cant afford to slack like someone..
i cant..
i must surivie, this week both lab lesson i would be mising due to working session.
he had to attend for me, but i scared he would be sad and upset again but
had he been paying attnetion to this.
i really worried.

so this is my story

wedding dress

2010-01-23T23:27:00.002+08:00

Listening to taeyang wedding dress
make me believe if u really like someone better say it out before she/he decided to take the another person hand and walk down the red carpet..

but then, u would have to walk down alone..with regrets..
come on, baby baby please dun take his hand , because u should be my lady, this is then the correct way, as i had waited by ur side for so long.

please continue to be bless with love so i can forget about u easily.

hahha taeyang wedding dress..super nice..
should listen..although he is quite a shorty (like my dar?? ahha sops)
he is quite hunk..nt bad..
hahha

i had been through 2 lab lesson, i believe i should place more attention and efforts
into this course
i am carrying 2 ppl's future, i cant fail..
this time..around..
i kinda of confused..big time

i already would try to do ot..
just now doing the exercise, i still pretty confused
never mind, i would make myself..understood this rubbish(no ! they are no rubbish, i am the biggest craps)

ahhaha now is sorry sorry by super junior..
took mc today as i am not feeling well, dar dar was not by side
because he needs to attend a gathering @ for his uncle bday
we were a bit funny, actually i wanted to pei him but the thoughts i can study for exam
and then i scared female boss would pay me a visit as i am sick today
i am a kinda of sad..
hahha so i say "goodbye" to him
i dun know whether he is upset that i didnt pei him or he is feeling ok..
but i really dun know..hahaha

well..time to surf someone website..let's see what he got to say

time to fly fly

2010-01-16T11:55:00.001+08:00

oh my god time had finally arrived to reveal my true self.
sexy bitchy and lovely hahaha

just kidding, well in the end, i am kinda of blessed.
today de night shift i kena early dismissed
despite the fact, i got last minute escort to kk ..
but sorry , miss bitchy i got good relationship with that officer
so he did his best to find me a replacement as soon as possible.

u still ccant ruin me..hahaha shiok..
time to enjoy with dar dar..
dar dar remember to fly by myself hor..
hahaha going to have fun fun fun
and be fat fat fat fat
hahah 2nd trip..
hahah ops..should be 3rd trip.
hahahaha bye bye singapore...
not gonna to miss u..
mucks..

have i left too lonh

2010-01-12T21:33:00.002+08:00

hohoh...1st entry of 2010 ..jan 12th 2010.
1st time received my increased salary.

lets look back ..in 2009njan where am i??
i am at hehehe.. i am at HTA starting my po life. *a choice that i regretted.
currently i am considered not too bad, because despite i always had argument with this current bf but i still have soft spot on him.
hahha

went for PSA sport events on 11th jan 2010.
i took part in 1600 event, yes i came in 3rd place, dama happy because last time in f division de sport day, i also took part in the same event, hahhaa
i got 2nd place ..ahhaa

yes yes, i think i would win de , if i dun pace myself with priya but i got a kind heart so i pei her walk walk...1st round, in the end,
i too fat now, cant chase the 1st two tracom girls

hhehehe the 2nd chinese girl really have the characters of mc hor, i really wana to slap her.
but dun care..hahhaa

i went there early around 7plus
in the end, the 1st event started at 1030.
i fainted.
really slow like turtle
if i go there alone, without dar dar, i surely fainted and throw temper like hell
hahha.
we drove his "red horse" now (he self claimed he is zhao yun) hahaha
i fainted then i who sia?ahhaha
i confrimed is more powerful and wiser haha than this boi..
ya ya..
holiday coming soon..
cant wait..
hahaha

last entry of 2009

2009-12-31T21:10:00.003+08:00

hohoho...merry merry ops wrong season..hahhaa
my last entry of 2009 will be a short one..
anyway, i had been thinking that sometimes, our pace for aim and goals in life would be difficult and hard on people (which decide to walk slowly).

i kinda of dislike the way that life ended...2009
let's look back 2009
i was made a full pledge officer in SPF
which i think i am kinda of proud of my achievement.
achieved 2 silver in IPPT (2 times gold in IPPT 2.4km running).
i am proud to say i had made it.. hahhaa

2. I was made girlfriend of my current boyfriend
which i think he is manly enough. and he got most of the requirment i seek in a man.

3. I was made a fool in making a decision in studying in 2010..
which i felt this is a wrong decision the very moment i saw the timetable..can commit suicide.
hahha what to do.

4. what to do..hahha i was separated from family for a long time..
8 months in HTA.
5 months living somewhere else.
i felt sad and poor on my ma ma .

5. i was made a fool again by posted to this bloody working area.
which i felt that i am the greatest fool of all.
hahhaha
what to do.

anyway i hope 2010 i would achieve more..
be a real police woman..
rather than a OFFICE LADY
sitting behind desk.
i havent turned SO YET.
hahaha
good night everyone..
may peace found u ..

snatch away

2009-12-19T12:30:00.002+08:00

topic is snatch away, i took someone away from some body, what should i call myself.

i often dreamed of bad ending, my best friends love sad endings..
what make me so different from my peers..

i just happen to read some entries by someone, i knew that she must not be feeling good too..true enough, she is the only one that send him to this "scary" place and in e end, she didnt get to receive him out from this "scary" place.
i felt bad, i felt absolutely wicked. I felt absolutely bad bad bad..i knew this is the start of everything.. i knew i am the cause of everything.

will such incident happen to me the very next time..
i fear too much, i knew if i continue to react this way, i might risk the healthy of the relationship. but doesnt fear simply meant that he is considered " important" in my life.

I know myself well enough to carry out self-observation, i knew that if one day, i will stop considering about ur well being then i knew my passion had ended for u..
sad enough, i knew i needed more than this..
hehehehe
anyway, he is with me now, i already considered xin fu..
welcome xin fu..to me

just because i am a girl

2009-12-10T11:09:00.002+08:00

being a woman got many advantages but thinking of it, is what makes us a woman
or what makes us different from all of them

anyway, i had been thinking alot, i had been so called miss oc counter for dun know how many dama irritating monkey years? i was told because this is normal procedure i am not saying i suffered the most, i am the most ke lian person

i am not, but can u feel my pain? can u feel my world can u feel the words running trhough my thorat but i was unable to say it out
can u ? can u?

i was so called being trapped in a male dominated world, i agreed to the facts, many things that male can do it better but why why. why there is not a slightly respect for us, why i am a sgt i need to bow my bloody head to a stupid ns nitec cpl that dun even know a single shit, fuck u lah,

u better think carefully, just bceause u served ur bloody time in dhq doesnt meant u my senior, i had more experience than u in counter(yes why i am always behind the desk)
why..
i dun get it, i wont get it, never can get it
then twist me around, turn me over
laugh at me, tell me that i am a stupid good for nothing girl
better still, fuck u lah, u think u know better than me?
pls pls pls, i dun scold at complainant for nothing, i dun believe that i needed a res from these
come on, jan 5th, no mattterw what i wont give up on studies, because the only way i can truly step onto ur head, is when i become ur BOSS

when i turned evil, i felt almost the same like tavia when she casted in the new drama
yes no body is good and kind in here, all of them sux
go to hell, every single one of u, u only know ur pleasure, tell me that i am evil, come on, i am not as evil as u,

u guys sux...sux sux ...pls go and bury urself in the mud..
all of u listen up, dun let me get my degree faster than u, because once i return, and u are stil here u will burn in hell
yes i am going to drag all of u down..with me..
yes i am mad so what, i dun care..
no body cares
why i bother..
sux sux sux sux sux...

confused like fuck

2009-12-07T21:40:00.002+08:00

it's been for many months and how many days that i had been thinking??
it's been awhile since i tried to figure it out what's wrong with me..
trying to understand that life isnt around 2 bloody stupid brainless kids trying to convince everyone that they are suitable for each other.

i tried to tell him that actually if this is the way, he is giving me answer, by snozing and fall asleep when i expected an answer from him, then i got nothing else to say, trying to control my temper when i was with him, trying to be someone that i am not.

it's kinda of hard, tough, if he is unhappy with me, he can just bloody fuck off, because he knew i will come begging for him, maybe kiss his toe, begging for forgiveness. how funny? i can be right? hahhaa well, i think i always looking for a easy way out, i try to understand that i should sometimes, make my opinions and my views being heard, he kept pushing and pushing..

he wanted things his way, i wanted my life this way, i willing to lower down the bar so i can fit him better, but can he do the same thing?
do he know that sometime, i felt that i cant breathe, because i feared this and i am worried for that.?

tmr is e deadline for studies, i asked him what he wish to pursue in the end, he fall asleep immediately,
i ask him, do he need time to think, he just sleep without telling me,
can he be more polite by telling me " miss can give me some times to think"
he is the one who kept pushing me to faster go and sign up for the course
now?

whatever my sister told me is wrong? so who he think he is?
he is also protective of his family mah, cant i be too?
i cant be around 24/7, telling him he is right, i am also a human.not a dog,
i needed my due respect, i know by typing this..
wont help me any good (do me). but i got no one to turn to ..
i feared the worst is not yet to arrive, what am i suppose to do..
tell me.

talking about problem

2009-12-01T21:37:00.002+08:00

actually, i wana to be as nice to him but realised i needed more patient toward him..
well i cant possible to led this life ..

ok..i will be cool cool..i needed.. to be cool..
anyway, i really dun know how to face this problem anymore, but i do believe in one thing, if he is suitable for me, i really will know...soon..

i will be making some changes soon..i cant revolve life around this state..hahahha

supper plus myself hohohoh

2009-12-01T00:56:00.002+08:00

anyway... Time to reveal that sex is not everything but is entirely everything.. Sometimes, dating a male is always a chance to risk, well thats why i hate being a lady...because for female, we are always at the losing end.. What to do.. What to do... Sigh...

Anyway, i had thought it through, i realised i cant find a 100 % suitable partner, why dun settle down with a 70% partner? Lk what katies did when she decided to marry holmes, bcoz she thought is a good vhhance in e end, hahaha so for woman always remember, not to devoted urself into a realtinoship when u kniw u wont be the only one in his life, i already give up.. Bcoz he is nt perfct for me.. What i had to do, i had to do.. Hahaha i still decide to proceed to buy my hp and my mp5.hohoho well.. Is a kind of goood thing to do.. Bcoz i wana to be indepenent.. Am i wanta to experience..more in life...

Whatever activities in f, i will go so i can get to know more friends, open up my ciricle..hahhaa more chanced coming along..hahhaha well so sad, i only lk bad boys..hahaha thats me... Time to shoo... Car car car websire..well i believe gaming is more interesting than him too..smile smile...

another day in dispair

2009-11-28T16:09:00.002+08:00

anyway, i had been thinking abit today, during the road back to his cousin house, i had been thinking how exactly i had do to help myself ..
anyway, i must stop reolving myself around his world..

anyway, everyone needs to grow up mah?
i kinda of sleepy hor, his family gathering ..is always long duration and days taking..anyway i believe this is only the begining of everything..
i needed to believe what ever i know from this guy, is whatever i needs and required/
but i dont buy it no more

what's long years relatioship

2009-11-25T11:32:00.002+08:00

Recently, i thought is a good month to get marry?
why so many ppl get ditched this month too?

why? i felt so confused..
one of my colleague dated his gf for 8 long years, he had treated her as princess..
try not to offend his gf in anyway, still cope with his own..life
in the end, he still give her up..
because?
i got no answer..

another one is this handsome lad i knew in my working place, he got the same birthday date as my bf..
he almost getting marry,already engaged.
he did everything to please the gf..
but because of his job nature, he cant do much..
but..tell me..

isnt love able to overcome all these?
i got no confident at all, that next year his bday will still be me ..or
will be someone else.
because i got no confident in myself at all, evolving ..around..
kept improving in the end, will i lose my true me?
my true self?

but no victory come without blood, i believe if this is the path i choosen to take.
and walk, i believe i should proceed..on..rather than..
pretending nothing had gone wrong..

recalling back the times i had spent with him, really make me smile from the bottom of my heart ..
because these are good times spend..
because i got a good headstart, i expect that nothing will goes wrong during the way?
hahha wake up my dear..nothing is forever.
if u refused to place some effort inside this relatonship..
how truthful can i be to him?
how faithful can he to me?
how much more can we go? how much further more?

these questions..
i believe i should find sometime..to answer these.
hahaha..
well yst, i didnt plaN well because my face was round and round..ahha..
anyway thanks..
i understand..
relationship no longer..guided by times..
only remember the very reason why u fallen in love with him or her..

trust ur own gut..
ur heart will lead the way..to his heart..if u are meant for each other..

confused plus bull

2009-11-22T20:12:00.002+08:00

well..currently, i kinda of dun understand what can i do for him..
seeing him in despair..but such despair..is due to what??

well..i really wish he can change his attribute toward ppl..
because it is super unhealthy..
but what to do..
i doubt he can do it...

i really wana to share the burden with him but i realised there is many things i cant help him..
well i believe this is me or this is what??
i got no idea and i believe i wont be able to do..so..

seeing him in despair...
iREALLY HOPE HE CAN learn to understand how..i doubt so..what can i do??

orh time check 5 plus in e morning

2009-11-16T05:52:00.002+08:00

good morning guys.. Well time check 5plus in e morning..yes i am nt working..i should be zzzz..
Woke up, missing sm1 but sm1 didnt even reply me @ at all, e feeling of disappointment...
Kept telling myself, dating sm1 is a right or wrong thing, i date police officer shi dui de mah? I got no answer...

Why so foolish? So many hrs? So many hrs...cant even sms once to inform ur gf u are alright busy take care baby..see u tnr...

I wonder if i do that to him, how he feel? Anyway, i wont be smmsing hine that often @ work now..need to manage to conduct a good image @ work..always reply his msg, his call..i will politely said..ops i busy later call u..his is always busy hang up e hp..welll sadden..dun care... No point of confronting himm coz useless...his bu gong ping measurment...super da nan ren..will swallow me alive...

I am nt not happy with himm, just that i worried..for myseld..
A man lk him, fulll of doubts for me..will i be happy if i contonue to love him thhat deep?? He is just an npco he can be so ww busy..tell secom how' i trapped @ home with kids?? He continue to act handsome dashing outside...

Hmmmm lots of qns n doubts flowing in my mind... After typing all these i felt so much better..i wont confront him bcoz i dun wana to disturb him..anyway his gift i only do two...thats it... I got no mood to continue..baby wen leaarn to be e same person u used to be... Despite ur ex relationship, u had a super xxx bf but at least, u r lk a butterfly enjoying lifeee... Hahhaha chnage me more, once i learn how to fly, will i stay? Or will i fly.. Hahahha who knows man..hahahhaa..woman woman..just love attention..i got so much now..orh shiok..

misdeed or misled

2009-11-15T22:05:00.002+08:00

well today times passes very fast maybe many customers..
i tried to handle suitable by doing the correct thing..
but in e end, still got mistake..
i believed i cN IMPROVED..

one funny thing is that throughout the date, i only felt hunger once when dar called me and told me that he is going to work..
well that's make me hungry hahaha weird..

anyway, when he told me that he is going to do things to his car this time.
no feeling, maybe i get sick from listening? maybe i think i should learn to move
or maybe hahaha something negative growing inside me, mr maxism should knew once i dun care, something fightening will happens soon..hahaha

dun care...1st..i wana to enjoy life now, playing my game.
wish list
1. laptop (so whenever he surfing his net, i wouldnt be bored ) ( i no need to que for computer)

2. mp5 hahaha (2nd in command) because this is e one i can afford..hahaha

3. samsung phone..
soon..i need to wait for different colors to arrive in market..
hahaha yes yes..
i cant wait..
ahahaha

lappy on 22th? hahaha yes yes.. i cant wait..
i am so hungry now.
i only ate less than dun know how many calories..
i am going to faint soon..
maybe should bite something..
hahaa shooo off i go..

=( unhappy or happy

2009-11-04T08:44:00.002+08:00

should be a happy occasion or should be unhappy occasion..
i cant make up my mind now, cos i like a specie of my kind, i will suffered a great blow from this specie.

anyway, instead of me falling deeply, why dont i just dun fear..
because the moment, i had made up my mind, to become who i really am i think this would make me make me..
i think i will kill the evil thought, hahahhaa..
well.. i think if i cant fear in front of him, then i dun like him anymore..
well i will try..because he is someone who cant stand loneliness..

so or later, someone better than me can fill the place of non-loneliness, he will discard me..well..when the day arrived, i should enjoy myself to the fullest of being dumped and received my due of respect.
ooo

i wana to do something for myself...i wana to be happy..
i dun believe in lies and myself, i waan to be more than just this... maybe u can guide me in how to do...

from friends to lovers, so hard..so difficult so fragile..
i think what ever the fortune teller, said is coming true..
i got no more faith..
a bit tired..
i think time to enjoy a bit of fun.
ahahhaha..
ok?
i am set to go..
even this led to no way, u think i fear?

i am going to get my goal and show no merry..
coz i dun think he will care anyway..
good bye ms wong..
1st time in love, last time ever

what woman fear the most

2009-11-02T19:53:00.002+08:00

what i fear the most. what i wish the most..someone to understaNd me..
accept who i am..
love me for who i am..

if she is so happy why does tear come at night..
why she felt the loneliness?
she is afraid something might happen..when she turned her back around, so who else to blame..
she is to be blame for this...

2 coffin ...
i know that i fear
this is why i shouldnt jump into conclusion i had achieved something good, i wana to believe in someone..
i wana to believe..
i just finish a new drama..
saying " what pain the most, isnt that the love had faded away, is actually the one ignored ur cries"

明天以後

2009-11-02T11:12:00.002+08:00

recently..to be exact ever since 29/10/2009 my feeling toward everything seen so wrong..
i always afraid, i always fear that i wont be able to stay this forever, so much fear inside so much fears inside me that going t swallow me alive, i might be laughing like this..but i am nt happy..

i just see how de profile in facebook, she still go out happily with Jo so happy for them.. a simple love is not meant to be ...
because they are same sex gender? then love is such a foolish thing to u...

i had decided to left this place for u, 愛在記憶中找你..memories..is such a wonderful place to hide ..where the place i can look for u, i dun wana to stay this way forever..
why i am afraid this and that...

why tears can kept flowing..flowing..flowing.
am i supposed to allow this to continue ccarry..
and killing me slowly?

from the very madly in love moment to the cant be bother attribute..
from the very passionaly to the passive ..
i failed in becoming a girl...

i admitted.. that i dun deserved any of this..
i tried to escape i tried to leave.
i tried to find someone else so i wont feel the loneliness that eating me.
in e end, too much love wont allow me to leave...
to 100% sastifed..that he would be alright...

i too tired.
i needed to go out to breathe with somone else..
i needed to find happiness again?
i needed...

in order to find a better working time to suit, i opt for ccu in e end, timing worse wana to escape now cant escape..sian..
so tell me the more , i tried to suit him, the worse it become?
in e end. who love who more?
in e end, i think tis problem wont be bothering him..and me..
anymore..
i decided to forsake everything..
forsake my pain, my tears.
i just regard as ..a process..a stage..
i needed to mature more.
no body wont stop and wait for no body..

i still looking for him.....
i still waiting for him..
but where is hiM?

29/10/2009

2009-10-29T20:05:00.002+08:00

the day where i cry so much..continuous for an hour, i felt the hated from his eyes
no longer, "lovers" , "princess" ..ugly woman..i transformed into..

o really..loving someone is so difficult, so hard so tough to be in a relationship, cant stop someone from turning unfaithful, so hard for me to stay focus,
i realised that the only thing that m won j is the m dun care for m.
ok?
never mind.
29/10/2009 i knew i am no longer madly in love..

go or dun go

2009-10-27T12:09:00.002+08:00

come or dun come..
believe or dun believe..what am i suppose to do?
who am i suppose to believe in?

who am i going to trust?
who am i going to place my faith in?
who is going to give me a reason to believe.
to continue on..

should i go ccu> can i go ccu>
can u make me believe that i can go?
i really dun know..
i wana to believe in u.
but can i ?
can i trust that no matter what u are going to be by my side>
faith dun fade..

i scared i fear i worried i dun know what to do next..
i really scared that time..
pls i wana to believe in something..

i needed someone to guide me.
go or dun go..
who can i turn to

mature or not

2009-10-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

well..its kinda of being a very disturbing and fun week because i managed to get out of NPC, for quite awhile. being deployed @ airport, despite the fact, i got to dress up like office lady..and the smelly shoes, i do believe that this deployment brought me more comfort then being a NPCO.

back to the times, when PID said they wana me, i should go for it, rather than believe in what kidna of stupid ground man, i wana to go and try out, and be a real policewoman...

okies never mind, that's past, NPCO is what i will be trapped with, neverless
i knew that ccu needs female, most likely sam will get the position if i dun wana to fight vie with her, which i highly wont, because even i wana to go, i will go secom, come on, i am tKD black belt, i will get extra allowance but but but..
i want to go to university 1st, but doing stupid thing, since i already have my goal and vision, why bother to disturb bother myself over nPCO

i regard this as a learning progress, ppl blessing me here, bullying me here and make me "small" i dun mind. why should i bother with them?

1st, stupid ppl from the main camp always push me for stupid ward responsbility..never mind, i eat this, so what? i am not fit to be NPCO anyway..
come on, my main camp de boss also a fucker hor, what to expect from the junior?
junior FUCKER? less irritating than the bosS?

dun care lah, i still young, i must learned that things dun always go my way, dun have dun have hor, find another way to fight the war, come on,
i had failed not once before, why should i bother to get to know those buggers ???

hahaha..if they want to know?
when i return. the return of the queen (that's me hahah)
they will die and beg for merry but but but... i showed them none..
because they deserved to die a million time..
so throw them aside..dun care..dun care..

ohoho..

well then my sub camp de boss (that irritating stupid old "black" "woman")
dun care him lah, for what sia,??
"she" like ppl to carry balls for "her" then carry lah, my bussiness?
my problem???

shiooo.....shoooooooooooooo dun come to me, i got no commitment for this main camp
i got no feeling (i will swallowed my hates)
i will direct my hates toward this main camp for my motivation to go further
and i will get my degree soon enough to make my presence shown..

hohohoho..
mature or not is up to u..
i havent been exercise for 2 weeks.
hahahha sorry baby..
gotta to shed off some fats 1st

going to indo ya yaa, never been to this place before, hopefully got more excitment than ever.
go go xiaowen..

Xiaoqi de nu ren

2009-10-16T17:30:00.002+08:00

hohoh..
actually when i receievd his msg, i was abit "wooh..why?" a good man doesnt deserve a bad woman like me... Hohoho Well i reversed abit of the normal phasing " a bad woman like me dun deserved a good man" ..hoho
well..i knew i know i believe i trust my guts, but do u know i am quite dangerous too..

actually, i wish to tell him straight in the face, u and me, impossible..
coz i actually knew the feeling of being betrayed and being lied to..
i dun wana retribution to come back to me again despite the fact, i tried to ignore him so many times, yet this time happened over and over again..

sgain and again and again and again..
a good man dun have to fall into the trap that fate had weaved..
i dun know..
what to do?
confused..
good friend, dun wana to offend, dun wana to make him look bad, but further more, dun wana my bf to be angry, what to do..
i big head..over and over again..

this thing will drive me crazy and crazy..
because i felt werid
anyway, my hair style gone case again and again..
so sian, dun know why always like this..

but i dun wana to spend money on the current stage to do anything to it.so pls bear with me..
when can i grow long hair..

orh yap, trust the woman..to do big times. no way man, actually... this is very typical of My dear to say so, because u "mother chicken wing" look down on WOMAN??
slap u then u know hohohoho

just kidding..anyway this is not the ending..and neither the beginning..
i am so freaking hungry..gotta to do something about the hunger..
xiaoqi de nu ren , is my title for tonight..

i wana to love u but i think better kept my love for someone else better.
good day..
another 4 hrs to knock the bell..and say """"" good bye """""""""""

last sunshine

2009-10-14T07:46:00.003+08:00

orh..i hope and pray that @8pm can go home sharp..i had went to bed, come on is real comfortable bed so shiok..

I really felt like this is hotel hor, enjoying my 1hrs plus sleep on the comfortable bed i think next night shift, i knew where to camp, so much better doing this deployment, so slack, because we already good with what we are doing, so not an issue to us...
plus the girls beside Siti, dun seen to sleep so we can really enjoy ourself to the fullest.

i knew that sometimes, you cant simply please everyone around u, because this wont be properly and you are unable to conduct the progress.
well, i got nth to say but apologise to all those i hurted.

actually i knew where my fault lies, but i cant get rid of this sickness, i think might be due to the root, i knew this is getting no way..so can i do at least do something to reduce the pain??

actually looking for someone to suit u, is quite difficult, i had been forcing someone to suit me for 3 years, in the end, he just FLIP. and collapsed.

if u ask me, whether had he managed to mature through this?
i can said NO? because he didnt managed to get over, but i am only talking BIG.
if joo left me, see whether can i get over it. well bro, we belonged to the same species : FOOL AROUND species. i just wana to settle down and have real romance with someone i believe can bring me somewhere

but i think i got too much high expectation for this guy, see whether can he really carry me far and high enough..
well rocks it, rocks it...
i am counting down times now..
good bye..
last sunshine..
i wish that my lucy godness is still here with me and fighting this battle side by sdide

smelly feet hor

2009-10-13T23:02:00.002+08:00

i really think this shoes that i am wearing is driving my feets..smelly like hell, i cant even bear the smelly, kena to do smth about it, i still need to wear this for 2 days..so cant play play hor.

orh..@cip, now suppose to come back to do ops room but went back to ops room, ask SC lim or lee, got things to do?
he give me the blur look, anyway, i also dun know why must 2 people doing ops room hor..
now still considered 11:03pm..early..
ending work, hopefully dont be after 10am..otherwise i might flip..hohoho..

hoho..yst, went to a place that dar knew i dun like but he got no choice because he wanted to repair the lighting on his car..as the lightening already "down" spolit for quite awhile, he told me it only takes an hrs or some..but i knew surely more than an hr, but i knew the timing he cant control...

i kinda of bored whenever he went to this place because he wont really pei me, as a matter of fact, he will roam about in the workshop and he will come back for me once awhile..and tried to make some eyes contacts with me..

actually i also playing psp..because i dun wana to start thinking about times..i spent there otherwise i might flip and go mad, and start to bite on dar again..well..never mind...

at least i got his understanding ...when he tried to ask me to pei him to go and draw money so he can change the light ..i kinda of ignored him because i knew the original lighting was not even done yet, then added on another ..i might have to stay here until 10pm??????

i knew the last time i came here, i spend 6 hrs here, bloody hell, i dun wana to repeat history again, but i knew i had to control temper, i tried, i tried..i really do.. then i ignored him 1st so i can calm down. i knew i had disappointed him again because i made him ...knew that i hated him to mod his car, i knew he dun like me behaving this way, he knew i am so xiao qi that i cant even tolerate a car inside my heart..

ok sorry, i dun know what to say, i think i must take a stand, stay away from him..so i wont make him disappointed..again...i knew i had to mature, like this case, tl ask me to come back to do ops room, yet i knew i dun like, i should maintain a cool stand, i immediately shoot my mouth again..to dar..

see see so imature, yet i claimed i am smart, stupid mouth, i got..i neeed more than this...
hehehhe smelly feet, tmr go back i needed to use the xiang xiang thing to do my shoes..
hohoho..

vertical challenge is another issues, i cant take off, because i dun have any leave balance left, 24th is nike human race too, the vertical challenge start @ 8am..how to go, i thought is so much later, if start later than 8am, at least, after work then go and run..
so sad, never mind, hopefully everthing might have its own solution when the dates draw closer

GoodBye to You

2009-10-05T20:11:00.002+08:00

Bu De Bu Ai..Somehow rather this used to be my favourite song, and of course someone too..

today is a day which i used to have to crack my brain to think of what to do..
today used to be a day where i really have to be happy for someone.but no more..
no more longer..needed..

listening to BU de Bu Ai, i Realised that this song is rather very funny, but i think what is past is what past...

Seriously, I had been trying to move on, so fast until i forgot to look back and realised how much regrets and wrongs i did..
I think this is what a girl had to learn to do, learn to grow up, learn to say "no" leran to be a real lady...

well, i kinda of grow sick of daily waiting and so sick why my heart always have this soft spot for something...

ok? never mind, I learned the hard way, but i think this benfits me alot..hehehhee

well, i realised that i am scared that passion might fade away, I am so scared that everything might gone in secs, I so scared that i cant breathe properly,
in this relationship, everyday is like roller coaster... if he is unhappy, angry, that's it...
well i had to lower myself to suit the situation well this is called when u like that person more than he like u...so ladies, wake up ur sense..

anyway this situation isnt that bad anyway, at least i can stay faithful...
and well, truly his mood swing sometimes is worse than a lady..so be awareful..
hehehhe

give me a chance to grow...
i kinda of hate my working life, but i know is i can go through this, I might not have to suffer again...never mind, university life is waiting for me, go there
meet more boys? ops kidding, meet more adults, learn from them..
be a gradute come back and be proud of my achivement...

fighting...let's hand in hand, and believe there is a tmr..
despite i had no confident in myself, that he will hand in hand with me to the end,
never mind, why i bother so much? because this is a life learning experience..
i just wana to be loved by him..

-(

2009-10-03T22:59:00.003+08:00

i had often wonder, in this relationship, how is big is the possible.when this day arrived, that he started to lose interest in me??
and then dumped me for someone else..??

well what can i say? if this thing is meant to be then it meant to be..
that's nothing much, I got not much to say because i had been through a lot..
i had been through many failure relationship..
having many bf before simply meant, u had been a failure many times..more..
so nothing big time to boast about..

i know where i stand, i know what i am made of, what i am capable of..
his behaviour is simply very MAN...

what can i say, he is simply...
ok..take for example, I told him...sometime had happen, he will get depress and upset, same for me, then he will become super angry and he would began to ignore..
ME
then?
i had to swallow it hor, there is nothing i cant do..because there isnt anything i can do..
so swallow, he told me to accept and REN his behaviour but sometimes, i really cant take it...
but this time, I knew is my fault that i accepted and REN REN REN REN..
in short, i like him more than he like me, so i had to REN REN REN..
i am a logical girl, i know i like to explain my way of reaction..
that's why i knew if i continue like this, one day,he dumped me , i will have to pay for my debt..
so ?? heheheh

ladies pls be aware...of ur guys if one day, they changed..
nothing can reverse the effect..
gone is gone..

well..i am saying this, because i think about it, many times over and over again...
i really dun have what had happen, suddenly, i go many choices to select but i know evetually my selection will led me nowhere..

i know i know.. a box of donut..
i know the meaning..
i know the meaning of all the way down to my house ..
the meaning i understood but doesnt meant i felt anything because i know i wont feel anything romantic at all..
trust me..
i understood..

well..if my laogong de his behaviour can change abit, i think he is really the perfect man for me, but i wonder if i am good for him or not..
ok...
i sleep now.
going to sleep..
good night..
bugger hahha havent come and check..
dun carEEEe
sleep..
he can knock knock until my lovely Dogs braked like crazy..
i dun care..

puzzle of my heart

2009-10-01T18:25:00.001+08:00

listening to westlife song, make u so feel @ ease.
how i wish, i can fall in love over and over again..

everytime we touch, the feeling is so much, she is all i ever need to fall in love ..
hehehe..
sound so cool...like this lyrics..
i wonder who wrote such lovely lyrics..

hehehe...i am sad because my best friend told me she had fallen out of love ..
i am sad because she seen to be in love ...
i am sad because i thought she will be well taken care of ..
i am sad because i want my best friends to be happy.

god, why is life filled with such uncertain event

life like this, quite bored

2009-10-01T16:20:00.002+08:00

actually, i should join something to enhance further my life?
being a normal Office lady would be better? everyday work the same thing, but some office ladies really can make their life interesting..

coming to a point, i do believe is not the occupation that makes ur life, is ur character
as for me, i lazy to go out to have fun because i am incertain of quite alot of things

can i go university??
i meant with my result and grade can i enter NTU in 2011?? when i decide to wave goodbye to spf??
or am i just trapped in the middle??
i really have no much idea, i needed an asnwer

or should i just start out with degree in IT since it is cheaper and requires only 14 months, but without what i want..
is a normal degree without any thing should i??

programming...
can i still make it,
should i wait?
should i carry?
should i follow

why everytime i in a relationship, i always give in to their needs and their concern, i want himt to study to improve himself, sound like the same when i forcing him..again, i knew that i cant force someone to do thing, plus, i doubt everything..

orh..i will start out soon next year June will start my degree course @ pSB the cheap and easy way out or next JAn ?
next Year June I am 2 years out from school and if I completed my degree in 14months
I will get my degree at the age of 23years...
i dun mind getting another degree but if if if...
i dun have the money?
why spend double?

SIM university is good in the sense that, if by e end of 14months, my grade i can enrolled further to complete the course
but expensive?
i really dun know..confused.
i needed someone to talk to..
i am consfused..
sian sian..never mind..thursday..now..can i survivie the pain?
survive the pain..
survive the feeling of not having anything to do until next year JUNE?

when i am 1 year in service, can i manage my time better?
can i manage and buy a car on my own?
so i can travel around better?

eveytime, i expected more encourage from him, i receieved none
so i dun expect too much now, because if i do, i will be extert pressure and stress on him..
he is happy go lucky man..
i am different, i think too much de woman, i wanted the best out of everything i do
but i must come to the sense that i am no perfect, i am improving my knowledge because i got lots of times to rot and spend, the pain lies here get me?
understand the pain?
u bugger..asshole..
hehhehee

never mind, studies is a problem which i must solve as soon as possible..
today is 1th october..
orh no..
year coming to the end, hopefully i can get what i want.
yap and i weight back again..sian..

i should stop eating and diet through out..weight matters the most now..
i do anything to get back the weight i have..
fighting..
to run faster to run further to be the best..

=) 4th month together Happy together

2009-09-19T21:28:00.002+08:00

We celebrated our 4th month together, although 4month officially together seem short and ridiculous SHORT to many people..

but i do believe, together we had been through alot, UPS AND DOWNS. our three month curse had activated. i think most of the ppl around us, dun give us their blessing, because we are such different people coming from different world.
although our characters crashed lk hell, we shouted at each other, angry @ each other, Tears @ each other, dun believe @ each other, Ignore each other, i do believe one thing which existed b/w us,

There is a place in his heart and He owes a position in my life...
Thank You for being there for me, waiting for me for hrs, taking care of me in HTA, Ur limited rest and time, i Do believe no one can come closer to this line, to take care of me..although he often throw his nasty temper at me, didnt meant i didnt throw my "da xiao jie" behaviour at him, i do believe one thing..again...
thank god i found u...

remember those nights without u, remember those days, u wont be my side, remmeber those loneliness that kept harassing us, remember ..do remember because this proves that my hunger for u still exist, thank u for being here for me,
thank u although i asked so many stupid qns, u are still here
thank u although i needed a soulmate to check with me, u are still "talking to me"
i had suffered 3 years with someone who dun "talk to me" when i told him
" I AM FEELING BORED" ...he ignored me because he dun know what to do with me..

i am always upsets with him, xie xie ni for transforming me into such a ke ai de flower.. xie xie ni for willing to shop with me
and xie xie ni for choosing me and had not regret of choosing such a petty, inmature lady lk me...

i am really grateful although my work place often give me negative thought, u tried ur ultimate effort to courage me whereas ur work place also given u a hard time..
thanks...

pls believe in us, and pls continue to show ur love for me, because of u, i realised that dating courtship is such wonderful and lovely experience..
i know after this entry, surely got ups and downs more more waiting for me,
but i will try to mature and became a lady that u hope i am..
love you many many..
from xiaowen
happy 4th month together

16km fit couple ...

2009-09-14T16:28:00.002+08:00

yst went for our 1st 16km Mizuno waverun @ Yio Chu Kang toward Upper Thomson Road..Wooh..
Holy crap i believe is more than 16km..trust me, i know because i RUN mah..
siao hor, this is surprising for the 1st 10km, i run without stopping, but coming to the end, i almost utterly gave up, for someone like me, never trained for long distance, this is a killer man..lucky like what dar dar said
" lucky we are naturally fit otherwise, lk most of the ppl there we walked all the way"
hehhe

without dar dar, i believe this 16km will be tough and long and painful, he always encouraged me and despite the slow speed i am travelling 10km per hr?? hehehe
he still stand by me..xie xie ni..rocks..

hehehe we finish within 2hrs plus..so happy...
i think we can do it better if i continue to run without stopping ...
lk last time..hehhee
i think i old
plus with my mandu face now..i really have the same symptons lk selina hor..

we went back and take a good rest after receiving our medal..
yes prettu cool and nice..
dar dar sudden urge to eat banana..hehhe surprising..ok..
then we ate alot..then went back home and have what?? porriage for lunch
i fainted..never mind, i stare @ dar dar and said see seee i knew it..
hehehe he also play along with me..
this is what a nice day to begin with...

then we rested, he kept forbid me to fall asleep but i am so tired not the body is zzz
monster summoning me..
i needed to reply to the summon..hehee
well then we went out to orchard where he brought a new pair of running shoes, and me tooo..brought a new pair..
lovely all red..
i lk the colored too but after buying i wont have much money to spend, so i hesisted for awhile but eventually knowing dar dar wana us to have the same pair of shoes
i decided to buy,hor
then...we went and shop around and..

@ night sushi dinner..
yes, we ate over 30 plates siao...
he was so freaking full until he was so tired to move the steering wheel
fatty bum bum..
hehhee i was ok..i ate many many but i can take it
but my face cant take it
i also think is quite swollen..i must remember to slim down for ...
a event coming soon..

i had such a lovely night with dar dar and he made me happy ..hehe
xie xie ni, i chatted with him @ sushi ..sake ..
was fun and lovely, although we didnt spend much time together ..
but i felt lk i known him for years..
he is truly very lovely..to me..
xie xie ni..
let's hope our dreams come true together..

prison run 2009 n open army house take 2

2009-09-06T20:53:00.002+08:00

prison run 2009 n army open house 09 take 2...
Hhehhe completed my 6km of prison run 09 ... Heheh timing .??? Ard thirty?? Hehhe well nt good sia, i had to train harder for the coming mizuno ...hehhee...come on, my bf is staring @ pretty babe.. Sob sob... Sian..on computer..
Yes, mr low, poke ur eyes then u know...
Pimples...sian...outbreak...

Okies bck to prison run ...
Heheeh we wore our 1st run prison shirt tgth..we looked absolutely cool...although, i did a bit unhappy when dar shown he is abit to drop dead..
Due to his sickness...

I am so sorry...apologiseee...
He encouraged me all e way, helping me...
We played games @ the finishing point..he
Showed me whats a real man?? A bf..taking care of me...
Xie xie ni...i really hen happy...
Hehhe saw my ex colleagues..

Chief and staffs kenny..and
Joo ex ic..which is my ex colleague...
Hehehe..hehhee joojoo boy got fate got fate..hehhe

Come on, she took part in all things..la...saw her so many times sia..hhehe fighting...

Hhehehe we missed..e free ice cream sob sob..he apologised for making this fatty bum gal miss e ice cream...but i pretended to be sad..hehhe mucksss..
Love u many many...

Then he make me some joojoo sandwiches.. Cool..we ate in his xiaohong..and outside..is ppouring...
Hehhehe prison run show me that he is really up to the mark...
Heheh my strong man...took quite a no.of photos..
Going to upload to facebook...soon...
Hhehehe

Then went for army open house,.yes
From one end to the another...poor joo, he drove all e way, along e way, i saw his eyes..from small to smaller
To straight line..hehhee sayang sayang baby..xin ku ni le..muckss..big
Smile...

Hehehe arrived there...
We qued for battle cry, a tactic war game, using the real 3rd gen...combat..weapon...
Wore e helmet..so freaking heavy plus...
Big...
Half way though the game... I already... Had e stupid helmet... Covered my eyes..dots..
In e end, my joo, had 2 flags..hehhehe victory went to me..us..hhehehe
Hail to e joo..
Our mission our honour..hhehe i think..i had e sequence wrongly...sorry la...

Heheheh wink wink...
Then we went to fire..sar 21..heheh i got all five shots.. Hhehehe li hai ba??
Joo too..hhehehe we are eeeeee li hai shooting couple..hehhehe

Then he went to see and move around...hehhehe
These 2 activities drained our..energy...
Hhehhee i so tired now..hehhee

Better zzzz.. Poor joo had ..work tmr..
muckss..xie xie ni mr low.
U had impressed me throughout...
Hehhehe..sorry for losing my cool @ ippt section...thanks for coax me...
Heheheh from mrs low

hta tour

2009-09-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

heheheh...went to alpha hq and back to hta... Hehheeh....
I wana... To complaint i ate too much le... Hehehe...cant make it..hor....
Heheheh...
So cute, joojoo pei me go around singapore without his xiaohong..today xiaohong cnt..go out hor...weekday..cnt go..out..hehheeh...

I wana to xie xie baby..took a couple of photos...i wana to say hor... Heheheh...
Xie xie bao bao...no problem hor...
Today bao bao wore quite handsome hor..trying to seduce me izzit?? Hehhe nasty

Fellow..i really wonder...why i always fall for this..hor..hehehhe

find someone u love or someone love u more...

2009-08-31T22:24:00.000+08:00

i am watching flame series 1...
louis koo tried to woo his elder bro de gf, but e problem is this gf also kinda of like koo...i think...whether..find someone u love or someone love u...??? I often wonder hor...
Hehhee but i think must find someone u love and someone i love..simply..like this...
I am often know that i am a bit navie..hhehee but i dun mind...i kinda of hungry now... I am always seek for a perfect soulmate, i think i am kinda of ..lucky...that i am here..bcoz at least joo is caring, he willing to love xiaohong lesser bcoz he knew i dun feel good...

Hehhehe he is really willing to lower his passion?? xie xie ni....

stomach on fire..

2009-08-31T20:01:00.001+08:00

stomach on fire is exactly what i can describe myself just now.
only baby know what i meant..
orh they asking me to go back and join them for a jog if i lived near npc, i dun mind, sorry but so sorry, too far away..
i didnt have jogging attire too so..better..i jog myself around 8.30pm..
i going to have a mini 6 rounds around the common exercise area..that's it.

i am happy enough to maintain..xie xie fohzu..and ma ma and joojoo..
so i think i will have to maintain more..
because these 2 days i had been eating alot..especially yst, i ate so much meat
1st time, i found the chicken meat taste that tasty..hehhee lovely
wana to mankan more..hehhee

ok.i got another 20 minutes before i go jogging...
hehehe lovely..i just packed my clothing..make it tidier..
hehehe lovely, so my joo dun said i am dirty and untidy old woman..
hehehe..

i quite miss my joo joo baby..he is been very nice to me. i should be content with this kinda of guy..hehhe as long i can find a faithful man on this planet earth
i should be content instead of looking for impossible outcome .ok?
hehehe joo joo ma ma going to korea
my mummy brown dun worry, once i got more money , i bring u to china?
give u enough fund for u to do ur prayers?? hehehe promise u..
ok? sorry for not spending enough time with u, i miss u badlyt oo..
hehhee fighing ma ma..
i am here trying to learn to be a better woman,
helping out the ones that deserved the help..

love u mummy...
i going to rest for awhile..
seeyou ma ma...

=)

2009-08-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

lappy is up and shiny hehhe..lovely man..xie xie to dar dar de cousin ..
so happy at least, i got a laptop to use now..
mucksss...

feeling another week of not my day

2009-08-29T12:19:00.002+08:00

well ..i often nagged at max, that he dun care for his family, find one that over too much into the family, i also sian big time..
never mind, i got not much idea anyway...
sian..my upcoming offs are all eaten by stupid audit, i got no idea..no feeling for this...i wana to fail as a po..is stupid ass..too..
good night..
going to be a boring weekend once again...
i thinking about taking the easy way out...

like a star like a star silver star

2009-08-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

like a star, like a star silver star...yes..heheh i did it, manage to secure a silver hhehe xie xie..running timing is gold, but standing board jump is silver..so no choice standing board jump drag me down...but xie xie my beloved fozhu, my ma ma praying so hard for me..for my lucy , for my jie jie, for my dar dar..who is also silver..hehhe lets work hard together to achieve gold?
Another 8cm..more before gold...i decided to donate my earning hehhe..since i made this promise..hhehe yes, wont eat words..coz a promise is a promise...
Lovely..i rock...hhehe

I am currently resting before night shift, woman woman, learn to grow up..hhehe ok?? Life is nt seeking someone u like de..is seeking someone who suit u more..learn it man...

My boyfriend is a great man, excellent man, love me..for sure..but i often wonder
If i am e woman for him, ??? Curious kill meow meow..hhehe i just wana to be happy..so dun think..enjoy my puppy love..
U r my baby love my baby love..he is no.1 in my eyes. Despite, i might not be his no.1..hhehe never mind, remember dun ask what ppl do for u, in return, ask urself what is ur purpose when u doing thing for other ppl??

I bring ma ma out without any intention, i just wana to be with her..hhehe simple...i love ma ma..ma ma is the most dearest thing to my heart...xie xie ma ma..always be there for me when i needed u...
Tell u i needed a car for work, u willing to fork money for me..without second thought.. Ma ma i love u ..big time... Hehhehe...mushy..?? Dun careee...

Hehhee tonight night shift..yes, i passed ippt..see see oo and co wont bug me no more.. I can rest in peace... Hehehhe
Life is about having a good partner, a supporting family, a career u seek, education excellent and a good SMILE:. HEHEH I WANAT TO SMILE ALL DAY CANT SMILE WITHOUT U...CANT LAUGH CANT SING...WITHOUUUUUT UUUUUU...

hehehe obviously miss wong is in good mood... Lovely weather..i miss bao bao..hehhe hughug?? Hhehe i wana to be his kai xin guo..sayyang him when he is down... His only cheerleader pong pong gal cheering for him... U r my baby boy..fighting... Never give up..until we achieve gold..and become golden couple as we promised...

Fighting all e way...hehhehe i just cant smile without u...
I think i turned 32..hhehe hehhe good night..time to zzzz...for me..before night shift..

ippt tmr..so scary

2009-08-28T00:25:00.002+08:00

fighting tmr?? Why give up now..i just ate my supper..siao one, tmr big event for me yet, i ate supper..hopetfully dun affect,
I always wish to be in good condition before taking it, hopefully this time wont affect me @ all...

Living in e past, never seen to catch up with future?? Well..every time looking @ his ex..history, i felt..low..low.low..and lower..thats why i always never seen to be satisfied?? Well...never mind, i had to stop losing myself, bcoz i allowed someone to enter thats why, i felt the hurt so badly,
I must learned to understamd that life isnt about present...is about the past...
Actually every gal had e same tmpe...if he realised i am e same..well he turned his bck on me...
will i be dumped once and for sll..
Before u start to like me..must learn...if i am in love with u, i r my whole world..i will pei u until e end of this world, whatever u desire, i will try my best to fufill althought it might hurt me..but..if u elt me down, by taking me for granted,
U will be out of my ranking and u wont get my love no more..fufill my denstiny...good night...